Seven Days
by Swirly Head
Summary: Seven important days in the life of Lily Potter/Evans - seven chapters. Chapter 4 : Judgement Day - Seventh year. Lily finally finds out the truth about Remus, all of which leads to one fatal encounter in the Shrieking Shack - with the Dark Lord himself.
1. The First Day

A/N – 'Seven Days' is the title of a group of short ficlets that I've written about important days in Lily Potter's life. The first, rather appropriately, is her first day at Hogwarts, and the second should be up shortly. I hope you enjoy them, I thought this was an original idea, and please give me constructive criticism – what you liked, what you didn't, my characterisation and so on. Sorry to be long-winded – read. Enjoy. :o) 

The First Day

She could feel the cold brick at her back, and sighed. So this was Platform 9 and ¾, this was the place where every witch and wizard who had passed through Hogwarts' famous doors had stood, and marvelled. Lily was sure that they'd marvelled, because of the chattering groups of friends, the enormous red steam engine anxious to be off, the cats mewing piteously as they stared with hungry eyes at the owls, haughty in their cages – it was, in a word, marvellous.

"Oof!" 

Lily was pushed forward as her mother and father stepped through the barrier. Following them was Great-Aunt Addy, the Evans' family's only witch. Well, at least until now. Lily Evans was not an ordinary little girl. Her neatly plaited pigtails and freckled face may have seemed innocent enough, but Lily Emmeline Evans was a witch.

And not just any witch. She was a witch about to start her very first term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Needless to say, she was very excited. So, for some unknown reason, were her parents.

"Now let me look at you," fussed her mother, tweaking Lily's plaits and ignoring the embarrassed noises coming from her daughter's general direction. "I can't believe my little girl's going away to school! All grown up...you won't need your old Mum anymore," she said sadly, stepping back a little. Mrs Evans was soft and scented, her blonde hair always worn in a loose bun that hung at the back of her neck. Lily couldn't imagine a world without her mum. Or, for that matter, her mum's bacon sandwiches.

Rolling her eyes, Lily gave her mother a hug. "Don't be silly, Mum. Besides, you'll see me soon. I'm not going away forever...just until Christmas."  
  
Mr Evans was looking rather taken aback. He hopped smartly out of the way as a rather tall and gangly boy tried to catch what seemed to be an escaped bat. Lily tapped her father on the shoulder, and he raised his eyebrows. "Well, Lily, pet. Looks like you'll be in safe hands. All seems very...er...organised," he added, staring in some alarm at a girl whose hair had just turned a rather gruesome shade of green. Lily stifled a laugh, and gave him a bone-crushing hug. "I'll miss you too, Dad. Keep safe."  


He grinned into her hair, and kissed the top of her head. "I will, darlin'. You're a clever girl, you know that? You show them wizards how it's done." Mr Evans took Mrs Evans' hand, and they both stood looking at her, their faces glowing with pride. Lily turned to Aunty Addy.

"I'll...er..._owl_ you when I get there," she said, rather nervously. Addy had appeared in their lives the day she received her letter for Hogwarts, and had been tutoring Lily in the ways of the wizarding (and witching, said Addy, we didn't transfigure our bras into beetles for nothing) world. There was still an awful lot Lily didn't know, but Addy had assured her that even those who came to Hogwarts from old magical families wouldn't have much of an advantage. Besides, it would be all the more fun for Lily, as there was so much she still had to find out!

"Oh, I don't think so, flower. You'll be having far too much fun to write me a letter," said the old woman kindly, her green eyes shining. Lily felt yet another surge of nervous adrenaline, and grabbed the handle of her charmed trunk (Addy had made it temporarily feather light) with clammy hands. What if she didn't make any friends? What if everybody hated her, what if she didn't fit in?

An ear-splitting horn sounded, and suddenly the chaotic scene changed pace from enthusiastic hellos to frantic goodbyes. Lily kissed both of her parents again, hugged Aunty Addy and clambered on to the train. She managed with some difficulty to open the nearest window.

"Goodbye! Send my love to Petunia, goodbye!" she yelled, realising that up and down the train hundreds of children were doing the same thing. For a moment she saw her family's smiling faces, and then they were gone.

Lily Evans was alone.

This would be interesting. She took in her surroundings with some trepidation, half-expecting the walls to start talking, or the carpet to change colour. So far, everything seemed to be disappointingly normal. She was standing in a corridor, lined with doors. Some were open, with people spilling out, calling to friends, throwing robes and small gifts. Some were shut, and from outside she could see distant shadows through the cloudy glass. Swallowing hard, Lily decided that the best plan of action would be to dump her trunk somewhere then go and look for some other first years. Addy had told her that the best place to meet people was on the Hogwarts Express, and she intended to be brave about things, be confident. 

Shoving her trunk on to a nearby luggage rack, Lily made her way down the corridor. She passed several compartments before peering into one and seeing someone else peering right back at her. Lily jumped slightly in shock, as did the girl on the other side of the glass. The other girl then smiled, and Lily grinned. Perhaps everything would be alright. Then the door opened, and she could see the other occupant.

Both had the all-too-familiar mixed look of excitement and terror on their faces, and both were wearing normal – Muggle – clothing. Lily immediately identified them as female first years, and breathed a sigh of relief. At least now she'd have someone to talk to.

"Hi," said the first girl, who was now sitting on the nearest seat. She stuck out her hand, and Lily shook it. "I'm Arabella Figg, and this is Charlotte...what was your surname again?" she asked the other girl, pulling an apologetic face.   
  
"Charlotte Happleton," said Charlotte Happleton, not looking in the least bit bothered. Lily also shook hands with her, and smiled politely. "I'm Lily Evans. How d'you do?" she said.

The three giggled at the formality, and Lily sat opposite the other two. Her first impression was that Arabella seemed familiar and Charlotte was rather sweet looking, with straight dark-blonde hair and brown eyes. The seats were extremely soft, and she ran her hands over the plush velvety fabric. Charlotte offered her a sweet of some sort, and Lily took it. Bertie Botts – she couldn't read the rest. Not wanting to look stupid, she popped the sweet in her mouth without looking. Arabella's jaw dropped.

"Definitely a Gryffindor. I've never met anyone who just reached into a bag of Bertie Botts like that."  
  
Lily paused, her teeth resting on the surface of the bean. Gryffindor...they were supposed to be brave, weren't they? Throwing caution to the wind, she went ahead and bit into the sweet anyway.

Raspberry.

"What's so bad about raspberries?" she enquired. Charlotte shrugged, and leaned over.

"She won't tell me. I got a strawberry one," she said in a stage whisper. Arabella grinned, and grabbed the packet.

  
"Well, Lily Evans, you're either a Gryffindor or a Muggle-born like Charlotte here," she said knowingly, tapping the packet. "Bertie Botts _Every Flavour Beans_. And they mean every flavour. I swear I ate a sock flavoured one once, it was horrible, all cottony..."  
  
Lily and Charlotte both stuck out their tongues, and the conversation continued in that vein for quite a while. Lily discovered that Charlotte liked animals, was an only child, had been a vegetarian since the age of seven, and, like Lily, was a Muggle-born, so had very little idea what was in store for her. She also discovered that Arabella was from a magical background, could touch her nose with her tongue, had an older brother and wanted to be an actress. 

Now the topic had turned to the ever popular subject of houses. Addy had told Lily that usually the house you wanted to be in, you ended up in. Unfortunately, Lily had absolutely no idea which she preferred. They all had their good and bad points. Hopefully, Arabella, as their resident know-a-fair-bit, could fill both Lily and Charlotte in.

"Matthew's in Slytherin. That says it all, really." Arabella leaned over and chanced a Bertie Botts. Matthew was the infamous older brother, and Arabella didn't seem overly fond of him. "Their house colours're green and silver, and they're meant to be ambitious."

It was then that Lily put two and two together, and recognised her companion. "You were the girl on the platform, with green hair!" she exclaimed, and a scowl flickered across Arabella's face. Her hair was still curly, but a rather more normal shade of brown.

"Blast Matthew. He thought it'd be funny to do my hair in Slytherin colours, when he knows I want to be in Ravenclaw," she said. 

Charlotte grinned. "I wish I'd seen it."  
  
"I thought my dad was going to fall off the platform," said Lily. "He probably thinks you're mad."  
  
"Huh, Matthew's the mad one. Anyway, Ravenclaw. They're witty and pretty _and_ clever to boot. That's why I want to be one," explained Arabella, chewing reflectively on a sweet.  
  
"You forgot modest," said Lily, exchanging another smile with Charlotte.   
  
"Who wants to be modest? The other two are Gryffindor...brave, headstrong...and Hufflepuff...loyal, friendly..."  
  
"I want to be in Hufflepuff," said Charlotte, firmly. Lily privately wished that the Sorting Hat would just decide for her. 

"Arabella," she ventured, "D'you know how the Sorting Hat works?"  
  
"Er...Matthew said you just put it on your head and it just...decides. Like magic, I suppose."  
  
"I hope we all end up in the same house," said Charlotte, her voice wistful. Lily thought it would be a shame if she had to start from scratch all over again...besides, she liked these two just fine. 

"Well, we all get on. Perhaps we will," said Arabella, sprawling comfortably on the seat. 

The train sped on, and the girls found plenty more to chat about. As the daylight faded and the voices quietened, a feeling of apprehension started to settle. Arabella ceased tapping her foot to some internal beat, and Charlotte became very quiet. Lily, in a fit of nerves, ate a disturbingly off-white Bertie Botts. It turned out to be potato flavour, and she had to open the window for some fresh air before her stomach would settle.

Just then, the door swung open and an unfamiliar head poked round. The boy was a few years older than them, and had fashionably styled brown hair. He was also, quite frankly, the most handsome boy Lily had ever seen in her life. Charlotte seemed to perk up, and Lily would have turned to give her a silent thumbs up if she wasn't completely transfixed. Arabella, however, wasn't.

"What do you want?" she said, sourly. The boy leaned over and ruffled her hair, smirking when she pulled away.

"Just to come and see my darling little sister," he said, standing up straighter. "I wondered if your hair had recovered in time for the Sorting. We'll be arriving at Hogwarts..." He paused to check a strange looking wrist watch. "...any minute now. Shouldn't you be in your robes?"  
  
Arabella clapped a hand to her mouth, and grimaced. "Sorry," she said, turning to face Charlotte and Lily. "I completely forgot."  
  
"To think, Arabella wants to be in Ravenclaw."  
  
"Get lost, Matthew."  
  
Ah, so this was Matthew. Lily felt her stomach lurch when he glanced quickly from her to Charlotte.   
  
"Oh, you've made some friends then. That's odd."  
  
"Get _lost_, Matthew," Arabella said again, through gritted teeth. He held up both his hands in apology, and closed the door without saying a word.

"See how mean he is?" said Arabella, mostly to herself. Charlotte and Lily seemed to have been temporarily struck dumb. Arabella flicked Charlotte on the shoulder, annoyed. "He may be mean, but he's right. Grab your robes, they'll go spare if we're still dressed like Muggles."  
  
Lily blinked, and realised she'd have to fight her way back along the corridor to get to her trunk. "I'll just be a couple of minutes," she promised. Arabella and Charlotte were too busy fighting a losing battle with their stiff buttons to pay her much attention, and she slipped out into the hall.

It was insane. Ducking and dodging, Lily managed to reach her trunk, not before catching a squealing rat in mid air. There was a crowd of people in various states of undress around the luggage rack – Arabella obviously wasn't the only one with a bad memory.

"Where are my shoes? Has anyone seen my shoes?"  
  
"This stupid sleeve won't...oh dear."  
  
"My robes are pink. Why do I have pink robes?"  
  
"Now my hair's all fuzzy."  
  
"Some of us don't have any trousers. Please make way for the trouserless...have pity on the trouserless."  
  
Lily smiled at the last comment, and finally got hold of her robes. Slipping them on over her normal clothes she decided to change into her white school shirt in the compartment. As she turned around, she hit her head on something - on someone, to be exact.

"Ow," she said in surprise, momentarily dazed.   
  
"Sorry!" called the someone, already making his way back through the crowd, presumably to his own compartment. 

"It's alright," she called back, smiling. "I'm only slightly concussed," she muttered. 

Safely back in the compartment, Lily quickly changed into her shirt and grinned at the others. 

"What?" said Charlotte, worried. "Is my collar strange?"  
  
"No, it's...we're starting Hogwarts! We're witches!" Lily exclaimed, her face one big smile.

Arabella smiled back. "Spiffy."

*****

If the air was cold, Lily didn't notice it. She and Charlotte had been separated from Arabella in the rush to get off the train, and so had been crammed into a rowing boat without her. Now they were moving across the lake towards a castle that wasn't so much fairytale as enormous. Craggy was a word that worked well. 

"Look, there she is," said Charlotte, pointing to one of the other boats and waving. Sure enough, a small, curly figure waved energetically back. Lily responded, and felt a rush of warmth. Already, she had someone to wave to. Two someones, if Charlotte counted. Except of course, Charlotte was sitting right next to her so waving at her would be pointless...Lily took a deep breath. She was still very nervous. 

Once they'd got off the train, a large man called Hairgid, or Hamgird or something similar had called for all the first-years. He'd then taken them in a line to this small fleet of boats, and Lily had seen her first real magic. Aunty Addy hadn't let her do any spells of her own, it wasn't allowed, and any spells Addy did were...unspectacular. Silently drifting across a ghostly moonlit lake was nothing short of spectacular, and all the first years knew it. Lily and Charlotte had fallen into whispered conversation with their fellow boaters, Timothy Quirrel and Amelia Highton.   
  
"I don't see why we have to go across this lake, it's jolly dangerous," sniffed Amelia, looking disdainfully down her rather perfect nose at the murky water. Timothy seemed quite in awe of her.

"I t-think it's all rather at-tmospheric," he stammered. 

"Quite right," said Lily, feeling immediate sympathy for the boy. The boat stopped.

"Firs-years, this way," called Hamgird, his voice booming in the anticipatory silence. Amelia squashed a spider that had hitched a lift in their boat beneath her dainty foot, and Lily nudged Charlotte. Amelia obviously noticed, and fixed them with a cool stare. "I don't like spiders."  
  
"You know, they're a lot more scared of you than you are of them," tried Charlotte, who had winced at the crunching sound.

"I'm not scared of them, Happleton. I just don't like them," replied Amelia, before picking her way carefully over the mud an grass to join Hairgid.   
  
"Come on, Happleton," whispered Lily, and Charlotte giggled.

"Right, now yeh've all made it teh Hogwarts, I'll leave yeh in the hands of Professor McGonagall," finished Hamgird. "Good luck," he added, smiling beneath the formidable beard. Suddenly he didn't seem quite so large and scary. The woman standing behind him, however, did.

"Thankyou, Hagrid." Hagrid. Right. "Now, if you'll follow me, the other students are waiting in the hall. Get into a line and stay in a line," she said, somewhat sharply. Lily glanced over her shoulder and saw poor Arabella, looking somewhat abashed. They'd have plenty of time to catch up later.

As the line of first-years made its snaking way up to the large wooden doors, then into the stone entrance hall, then along a few corridors, Lily began to despair of ever finding her way around. She could have sworn the eyes in the paintings followed her, and started to say something to Charlotte, but McGonagall silenced her with another pointed look. Her mind was racing so quickly that she didn't have time to take in the roaring fires, the fine art, the cosy looking classrooms, the interesting smells; all Lily could think about was the Sorting.

After what seemed like years, the line stopped in front of a large pair of solid looking doors. McGonagall turned, and smiled. It was a frightening smile.

"Remember, the entire school are watching, including Professor Dumbledore. You are to be on your best behaviour. That means no talking, no screaming, and definitely no fainting. When I call your name, you will approach the stool and place the Sorting Hat on your head. You will then join your house at their table. Is that clear?"

Someone said 'Yes', followed by 'Oh, sorry!' and McGonagall sighed. Then she opened the doors, and despite herself Lily gasped.

It was beautiful. As they walked between the tables, the house tables, Lily tried to take it all in and failed. She was aware of the stupid smile on her face, and couldn't help craning her neck to look at the decoration on the ceiling. Suddenly a wisp of cloud crossed what she had mistaken for a painting, and she gaped. It was _magic_. Candles floated in mid-air, everyone was dressed in wizarding garb, and then she was standing still and watching as an old and grubby hat was placed reverently upon a stool. With a loud ripping noise, the hat cleared its throat, and started to sing. 

'I'm a hat with many talents,

The Founders gave them me.

I'll put you all where you belong,

That's my job, you see!

The Sorting Hat will help you,

To find your life-long friends.

Is it Ravenclaw or Gryffindor,

Where your journey ends?

Perhaps Hufflepuff or Slytherin,

Will suit your personality.

I'll tell you now where you should go,

First-years, listen to me...

Gryffindor is for lions,

Brave and bold as brass.

Ravenclaw the raven,

For minds as sharp as glass.

Hufflepuff for workers,

Who will always love their friends.

And Slytherin for ambition,

They'll go to any ends.

So step right up and try me on,

I'll put you with your kin.

My song now has ended,

And your adventures will begin!'

Everyone cheered, and Lily clapped, barely believing her own eyes. Before she knew what was happening, 'Cross, Kelly' had left the security of the line and put the hat on her head. Within seconds it had screamed 'HUFFLEPUFF!' and the table on the far left was cheering. 'Dingle, Russel' was soon sitting with his fellow Ravenclaws when Lily almost bit her lip in half.

"Evans, Lily!"  


Charlotte gave her arm a squeeze, and Arabella seemed to be trying to wink at her. Staring straight ahead, Lily somehow mad her way to the stool without tripping. Grabbing the hat, she felt a sudden burst of euphoria. Your adventures will begin...eagerly awaiting the hat's decision, she jammed it on to her head.

'This one's easy,' came a jaunty voice in her ear. 'You were born to be a GRYFFINDOR!' The last word was screeched to all in the hall and the rowdiest table in the Great Hall erupted into catcalls and applause. Lily grinned and floated her way over to an empty seat. People she'd never met before clapped her on the back, and she felt like she'd come home.

It wasn't long before 'Figg, Arabella' took the stand. Lily crossed her fingers and toes underneath the table and was rewarded with a 'GRYFFINDOR!', the Sorting Hat barely touching Arabella's hair. Lily joined in with the cheers and Arabella thumped down next to her friend, grinning wildly at everyone. While the next few were sorted ('SLYTHERIN!' 'RAVENCLAW') she hissed in Lily's ear. "The floppy thing didn't even give me a chance to argue for Ravenclaw! Not that I mind, now we're in the same house. So, what did you think of Amelia? I saw her in your boat. She's ever so _rich_, dahling," drawled Arabella, in a very good imitation of Amelia. Lily giggled and then raised her eyebrows.   
  
"Look, she's up next."  
  
Amelia held the Sorting Hat a few inches above her carefully coifed hair, and smiled winningly when it screamed 'SLYTHERIN!'. 

"Happleton, Charlotte!"   
  
Arabella and Lily roared like true Gryffindor lions when Charlotte was sent to join them, after what seemed like an eternity.

"What was it _saying?" _asked Lily, intrigued. Her friend just smiled mysteriously and tapped her nose. Arabella rubbed her stomach.

  
"I'm starving."  
  
"You'll be starving for a while yet," said Charlotte sagely, and Arabella groaned. There was still a very long line, but, to be fair, it was dwindling fast. 'Lupin, Remus', 'Pettigrew, Peter' and Potter, James' made up the rest of the Gryffindor first years, and all three were greeted happily by the girls. Peter and James told them, between cheers, that they too had met on the train, and James added, with a mischievous grin, that he was sure he and Lily had bumped into one another before. Lily laughed when she realised that he'd been the cause of her momentary concussion, and Charlotte said they'd have to get him back somehow. Remus Lupin seemed a little quiet, but smiled a lot, and in Lily's opinion he had a very pleasant smile.

As 'Yenn, Cobalt' became a Hufflepuff, Arabella and James let out identical sighs of relief.   
  
"Finally," she said, rolling her eyes skywards. 

"Food," James added, poised to strike.   
  
Professor Dumbledore stood up, and tapped his goblet, eyes twinkling. Lily had already assessed the famous Headmaster, and thought he looked very nice, rather like the grandfather everyone wished they had.

"Firstly, and most importantly, I'd like to welcome all the first-years to our school. May your days be prosperous and..."  
  
"Er..."  
  
Hundreds of heads turned. McGonagall's snapped up like a spring, and the large doors creaked open.

"Yes?" said Dumbledore, mouth twitching. Lily thought he was trying not to smile.

"Er..." A boy with black hair and a rather messily fastened cloak stepped through the doorway. "...sorry I'm late?" he ventured, walking forward a few more steps and tucking his shirt in.

Professor McGonagall was next to him in two seconds flat. "Explain," she said curtly. Everyone's heads swivelled back to the boy.

"I'm 'Black, Sirius'. Think my Dad told you I was ill...having my bones reset...I broke most of them when I fell off a roof, yesterday?" he said, looking to Dumbledore for support. 

McGonagall snorted. "There will be no falling off roofs at Hogwarts, I hope?"  
  
"Hopefully not, I think I've got the hang of balancing now, thanks." McGonagall's lips were a thin line. "So...am I too late?" enquired the boy, rocking back on his heels, oblivious to the fuming Professor in front of him.

"Not at all, dear boy. I think we'd best sort you, so Professor McGonagall can immediately remove some House Points," said Dumbledore, eyes twinkling once more. 

So Sirius Black entered Hogwarts, immediately became a 'GRYFFINDOR!' and received the loudest cheer of them all.


	2. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

A/N Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, hope this installment is just as warmly met. It's Lily's birthday - she's in third year - lots of stuff ensues, including the beginnings of L/J. I'm a sucker for romance :o). Again, please PLEASE review with your criticisms, what you liked, disliked etc, what you'd like to see more of, and above all, enjoy.

  


Lily blinked, her eyes adjusting slowly to the murky dawn. She leaned over and fumbled around on the floor for her wand.

  
"Damn!" she whispered. It had rolled right underneath her four-poster bed. Lily Evans was in her third-year at Hogwarts, and if she'd learnt one thing in her time here it was 'never lose your wand'. "Double damn," she said mournfully, as the wand scuttered completely out of reach. She'd only wanted to conjure a small light so she could go to the bathroom for a wash.

Today of all days, Lily wanted to look nice. It was November 23rd, her birthday, and she couldn't wait. The boys had promised some sort of party later (it was meant to have been a surprise, but Sirius blurted it out, he was useless at keeping secrets) and she had absolutely no idea what the girls had in store.

Speaking of her two roommates, Lily got out of bed as quietly as possible. The last time she'd got up early, to finish a piece of Transfiguration homework, she'd accidentally awoken both. Arabella had been irritable for the entire day. Charlotte hadn't complained, instead choosing to illustrate how much she hated getting up by stubbornly pretending to be asleep and missing Herbology. 

Still, the incident hadn't cured Lily of her rising at dawn tendencies. Now she just tended to rise _quietly_, and sometimes played a game of chess with Remus, also a bit of an early-bird. Mostly she used the time to finish her homework off, so she could have her evenings free. 

Crouching awkwardly on her knees, Lily peered underneath her bed, half-expecting some frightful thing to jump out. That or Arabella's new cat, Spaghetti. Spag had been given the name by Matthew, Arabella's older brother, and, unfortunately, a magical cat is stuck with the first name given to it. Needless to say, Arabella had been at once delighted with the generous gift from her sibling, and annoyed that the handsome silver tabby kitten would forever answer to Spag. 

"Spag?" she tried, hoping the small creature was still curled up on Arabella's bed. Whenever his mistress wasn't looking, Spag could be extremely...well, catty. Satisfied that she wouldn't have a new set of scratch marks to match Charlotte's bloodied arms, Lily reached underneath the four poster, and yelped.

"He-"

She felt a hand close around her arm and drag her into the darkness beneath the bed.

"-lp!" 

"Surprise!" said Arabella, her eyes shining in some unnaturally pale light. Charlotte released her grip on Lily's arm and giggled.

"The look on your face, Lils. I made Arabella lock Spag in the bathroom, anyway."  
  
"Leave Spag out of this. He doesn't _mean_ to scratch you, he's only a baby," protested Arabella. Lily grinned at both of them and breathed a sigh of relief.

"For a moment there I thought someone – forget someone, the _boys_ had put some horrible creature underneath here."  
  
"Scared for your life, then?"  
  
"No – I was scared that if I screamed and woke you up neither of you would speak to me for the rest of the day."  
  
"Speaking of the day," said Charlotte meaningfully, nudging Arabella in the ribs. "We just might've got you a little something."  
  
"Presents!" cried Arabella, her face scrunching up with glee. "Now, there's actually three. One from me, one from Char Lotty and one from both of us –"  
  
"Er...one question?" asked Lily, still a little confused. "Why, exactly, are we underneath my bed?" 

"You'll see in a minute," said Charlotte reassuringly, handing her something squidgy and white. Lily smiled broadly, and feeling excited again lifted the object closer to her eyes, so she could see it. The faint light source, which actually appeared to be emanating from Arabella, was strong enough so that she could see the pretty linen wrapping clearly. It seemed a shame to unwrap Charlotte's present, but when Lily did so she let out a small gasp of pleasure. 

"Look, it's a lily!"  
  
"D'you like it?" asked her friend, looking for approval. Lily put the beautiful handkerchief and the Chocolate Frog it had been concealing to one side and gave Charlotte a messy, sideways hug.   
  
"It's lovely, I've never had a nice handkerchief before..." She picked it up again, and Charlotte leant over to rub the little embroidered lily. The most wonderful smell filled the space under the bed, and Lily laughed in delight. "Definitely never had a magical handkerchief, anyway."  
  
"Now mine," said Arabella impatiently, almost shoving the heavy, brown packaged parcel into Lily's waiting hands. "It came by owl, only arrived last night, so I didn't have time to wrap it nicely," she explained, as Lily ripped the paper away.

"Wow, thanks Arabella!" she exclaimed, and Arabella gave her a toothy smile. The lime green quill and personalised parchment set ('Lily Evans' in flashing rainbow colours at the top of each sheet) was, in Lily's opinion, excellent. She tried to hug Arabella, but the other girl stopped her. 

"Wait a minute, you haven't seen your last present yet."  
  
"It's really nice, I want one for my birthday...hint, hint," said Charlotte, as Arabella reached behind her and presented Lily with the source of that pale, ghostly light.

"Oh my...what is it?" she asked them, fascinated. It was a necklace, obviously, but the pendant hanging from the silvery chain was the item Lily was most interested in. It was small, round and black, about the size of a Knut – at first glance the black appeared solid. When she looked closer, she saw that it was moving, real, similar to the picture on the television screen at home. It was the night sky, a small group of stars in particular.

"It's Sagittarius! Your stars," said Charlotte delightedly, and Arabella started babbling about how she'd thought all three of them could get one, like a friendship thing, and how she knew Lily didn't hold much with astrology but still, it was a very pretty necklace and really, your horoscope _did _mean _something –_

"Arabella, shut up. It's brilliant." 

*****

The rest of the morning passed somewhat uneventfully. She received no present from the boys, and all four pretended that they'd forgotten all about her birthday. At least, she hoped they were pretending. Lots of people came to the Gryffindor table at breakfast time to wish Lily a happy birthday and compliment her on the unusual necklace, including Matthew Figg. After he left she noticed James giving the sixth-year Slytherin a dirty look from his place opposite her.

"Git," he muttered venomously into his bowl of cereal. The normally noisy Quidditch star had been unusually quiet ever since he sat down, and Lily wondered if one of the famous 'Marauders' pranks had gone wrong last night. She frowned – that was no excuse to be nasty to _Matthew_ - and nudged Arabella, who was deeply ensconced in an argument with Remus, Peter, Charlotte and Sirius about the relevancy of starsigns.

"They're rubbish," Sirius was saying, slopping some of his porridge on to the table. "You can't try and tell me that my entire personality was decided the moment I was born."

  
"I couldn't agree more," said Charlotte. "Otherwise everyone with the same starsign would be exactly the same, and that's not right."  
  
"For example, Snape and our Charlotte here are born within two days of each other," said Sirius, refilling his goblet with more hot tea. "And they couldn't be more different - unless you count the greasy hair, of course." Charlotte slapped him on the arm, and he continued. "Everyone knows Divination and all that's utter –"   
  
"Aries," said Arabella promptly.

"What? Utter Aries? Not really the word I was thinking of -"  
  
"You're an Aries, Sirius Black. You are, aren't you? I knew it!" she cried triumphantly, popping another orange segment into her mouth.   
  
"Well," Sirius said, momentarily speechless. "Well, that's irrelevant. You know when I was born, anyway, you've just worked that out –"

  
"Sirius, she can barely remember her own birth-date, let alone yours," said Remus in an amused voice, jerking a thumb in Arabella's direction.

"Ha!" crowed Arabella, to applause from Peter. She finally turned to Lily, ignoring the pointed comments Sirius was making about how closely Arabella must pay attention to him in order to have _worked out_ his starsign. "What d'you want, Birthday Girl?"

"James just called Matthew a git," Lily said. James Potter looked up at this point, and raised an eyebrow. She had to admit, it was unlike her to tell on one of her friends, particularly to another friend. Arabella, probably distracted by the fact that both Charlotte and Sirius were now flicking bits of their breakfast at her, simply shrugged.

  
"What can I say? He is."  
  
James grinned, and Lily bit into her toast, disgruntled. "He was only wishing me Happy Birthday," she said after a moment. "If everyone who did that was a git, then you're including a lot of people. Our friends, for example."   
  
The old mischievous smile resurfaced as he nodded at the others. " Y'know, maybe they _are_ gits."  
  
"They aren't –"  
  
Peter was sheltering beneath a plate, giggling helplessly, as Remus held a shrieking Arabella in place while Sirius and Charlotte pelted her with sugar cubes, amid yells of 'Utter Aries!'

"Alright, immature, maybe, but not gits."  
  
"Since when did you stand up for Matthew, anyway? I thought you and Charlotte wanted someone to hex him after he bought the wonderful Spag into your lives?"  
  
Lily suddenly became very interested in the table, and she was certain that James gave her a knowing look before retaliating against the Sirius-Charlotte Sugar Cube Front on Arabella's behalf. Damn James Potter! It wasn't fair of him to tease her like that – although she knew he hadn't really teased her at all, just asked her an innocent question – but then it wasn't so innocent, was it? Lily tried to stop herself from chancing a glance at the Slytherin table - it must seem so obvious, she did it every morning – and failed miserably. There he was, sitting with some of his friends. Most Slytherins were rather hard or mean looking. Not Matthew. He was very, very good-looking in Lily's opinion. In the opinion of quite a few other people as well, judging by the number of girls who passed by his seat and just _had _to tell him something _terribly_ important. Jealously she noticed Amelia tossing back her beautiful head and laughing far too loudly. Show-off.

She would never be able to just go up and talk to him like that. Lily remembered visiting Arabella's house in the summer with Charlotte, she'd been a nervous wreck. For a start, it was the first wizarding house she'd ever visited. The girls had all stayed at Lily's and Charlotte's houses – Charlotte lived in London, and the three had tremendous fun shopping and Muggle-watching - in their first summer together, and Arabella had invited them to stay for a whole week to repay the favour. Her family lived in a modest house in a place called Rowena's Crescent – both Arabella's parents had been Ravenclaws – and both Muggle-born girls had thought her house amazing. The best part was the small surgery attached to the side, as Arabella's father was a healer. 

Of course, Matthew had been around almost constantly, and Lily had consequently spent a lot of her time in his presence either struck dumb or giggling in an over the top way. She prayed desperately that neither Arabella or Charlotte had noticed anything and now it seemed James Potter, of all people, had guessed her little secret. 

Well, utter Aries to him. 

*****

  
"Why is Arithmancy so _boring_?" complained Charlotte in a low voice. Lily had to agree that the last lesson of the day was crawling past. When she'd picked her new subjects for third-year she'd anticipated them as being more dangerous and more advanced. What Arithmancy lacked in danger it more than made up for on the advanced front. Professor Nometry faltered for a moment in his explanation of how to draw up ley-lines, and on her left-hand side Pytha Vector hissed, "Will you two please stop nattering? Some of us are trying to learn."  


A few seconds later Charlotte scribbled something in the corner of Lily's parchment. 

__

I just remembered - what did James say to you at breakfast?

Lily checked to make sure Nometry (and Pytha, for that matter) wasn't looking, and wrote her reply, pressing a little harder than was necessary. 

__

Nothing important, he just called Arabella's brother a git for no reason.

She tried very hard to look interested in the work while waiting for Charlotte, who'd gone into a frenzied burst of note-writing. When her friend had finished, Lily knocked the parchment into her lap. If it said anything about – horror of horrors – her _liking_ Matthew, and Professor Nometry read it aloud, she'd die of embarrassment. Hoping against hope that Charlotte hadn't worked out how much she _did_ like Matthew, she read the note. 

__

He had plenty of reason! James was looking really moody on the way downstairs so when we were eating I asked Peter what was the matter with him. He said that yesterday James had been out practising Quidditch with the Gryffindor team and Matthew and some other Slytherins had set some bludgers loose on them. Well, they already had two Bludgers out there, and the Beaters couldn't control four, so James got knocked off his broom trying to stop that new second-year Chaser – what's her name, Grace or something – from being decapitated! It was pretty serious.

Lily's eyes widened, and she hurriedly wrote a reply.

__

Why didn't they just tell a teacher it was Matthew? I can't imagine James or -

"Miss Evans?"  
  
"Hmmm – yes, Professor Nometry?"  
  
"Would you please let Pytha share with you, her book was eaten by a Flobberworm yesterday. Thankyou. Now if you'll all turn to Chapter Two..." 

__

- or Sirius letting the Slytherins get away with something like that.

She tapped her fingers waiting for Charlotte to finish yet another mammoth response, and noticed Pytha staring at her murderously. The girl really was obsessed with Arithmancy – she imagined that the Flobberworm who ate her text-book was living in mortal fear for its life.

__

James and Sirius and the others were sneaking around last night – arranging something – it's a wonder they never get caught, they must be really careful – and Peter said they overheard Matthew telling his friends that the plan didn't quite work because – and I quote – 'that idiot Potter did some stupid heroics'. James thinks they were trying to sabotage the team, and guess what else – Severus Snape was hanging around with Matthew. I bet you anything they were in it together, you know how much Snape loathes James. 

Feeling a little ill, Lily wrote back.

__

Maybe Matthew didn't mean for it to go so wrong – Sirius and James have pulled tons of pranks on the Slytherin team.

Charlotte gave her a dark look.

__

Never anything like this. Not anything that would actually stop the team from playing. 

Lily squirmed uncomfortably.

__

True. We'd better get back to work, Nometry's starting to stare.

*****

  
As soon as the pair walked through the portrait hole they were jumped on by Arabella. "You can't come in! You can't come in!" she said frantically.  
  
Sirius appeared behind her, and rolled his eyes. "You couldn't've been a little more subtle?" he asked sarcastically, and got a scowl for his efforts. "Lily, go away, we're preparing your party," he got out, despite obvious amusement at Arabella's increasingly outraged facial expressions.

  
"Subtle? _Subtle? _You're the one who told her in the first place!" she said, voice getting progressively higher.

"Look, no-one asked you to help anyway, this is _our_ surprise for Lily, so clear off and keep her occupied," ordered Sirius, completely ignoring the fact that he had indeed ruined the surprise in the first place. A fuming Arabella, pleased Lily and giggling Charlotte were soon ejected into the corridor, where the Fat Lady eyed them curiously.

"Is there a birthday today, my loves?" she asked. Lily grinned.

"Yes, it's mine, thanks for asking."  
  
"Oh, Happy Birthday dear!"

Lily got on well with the portrait, and was always polite enough to converse with her. The other two, however, were not. 

  
"Come on, let's go for a walk," said Charlotte, eyeing the painting suspiciously. Lily remembered the time Arabella had forgotten the password and the Lady had refused to let her into the Tower despite the fact it had been her Transfiguration practical exam in twenty minutes and she'd left her wand in her bedroom. Arabella had accepted it as Hogwarts rules, but Charlotte had been livid on her behalf, and for some months had refused to speak to the Fat Lady. 

Walking around Hogwarts was always pleasant, especially in these winter months. Lily loved the roaring fires, the promise of holiday in the air, and most of all the snow. It was snowing outside now, and she admired the contrast of white against the blue-black sky.

"Alrigh' Lily? Girls?"

It was Hagrid, smiling broadly underneath his bushy black beard. Pleased to see him, the three walked into the Great Hall where the groundskeeper was eating a late dinner. 

"Fine, thanks Hagrid."  
  
"Of course yeh are, it's yeh birthday. Think I wouldn' remember?"  
  
"Because you've never forgotten anything before," whispered Arabella, obviously still annoyed that he hadn't remembered to buy her some Flea Away Potion on his last visit to Hogsmeade, as promised.

"Pot. Kettle. Black," said Lily as they sat down opposite the gigantic groundskeeper while he rummaged around in his great pockets before producing a rather battered card and a mewling, even more battered ball of ginger fur. It was a kitten.

The chorus of 'Aahs' and 'How sweet!' took a while to finish, and Lily hugged Hagrid, at which he went rather red.   
  
"Jus' found him near t' Forest....thought yeh migh' like teh look after him," he said gruffly. "What'll yeh call him?"  
  
Lily watched the little abandoned kitten limp around on rather bandy legs, and grinned. "Crookshanks," she said firmly.

*****

"Crookshanks?" said Charlotte, a little incredulously as they started back to the common room. Lily cradled the tiny creature in her arms and made baby noises at him.   
  
"Whose a clever boy then? Who has ickle crooked shanks? It's you...yes it is. It is."  
  
"Still, can't be worse than Spag," said Arabella with a shrug. The three paused outside the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, and Lily looked from one to the other.

"Am I going to regret ever having known Sirius, James, Peter and Remus?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
With a deep breath, she said the password. 

  
"_Lacewing_."  
  
The portrait swung aside with an ominous creak. Lily peered into the silent darkness and the feeling of trepidation which had been steadily growing ever since Sirius announced the party reached its highest point yet. So this was their game – lights out, then the second she stepped through the hole, boom. Excellent.

"Hello?" she asked, waiting for the required response.

Instead Lily distinctly heard scuffling noises and someone (she thought it was Peter) saying 'I can't remember – is it lumos? It is lumos?' Another voice joined in (definitely Remus) 'Give it here. _Lumos_!'

Then the lights sparkled into flaming existence and the occupants of Gryffindor Tower – well, all those who'd jumped at the prospect of a party – yelled 'SURPRISE!'

Lily beamed as she was swept into the centre of the crowd, and music started to play. She recognised it as Sirius' latest Muggle record – he was mad on Muggle music and drove them all mad playing it at unheard of volumes – and started dancing her way over to give her friends a hug. They'd done a grand job.   
  
Flashing streamers that had been cleverly enchanted to change position every few minutes were currently woven around the staircase. Balloons hung everywhere, telling the world 'Happy Birthday Lily!' Best of all was the magnificent cake in the centre of the room. It was seven-tiered, covered in sunny yellow icing (Lily's favourite colour) and people danced around it, spinning and twirling in time to the upbeat of the music. 

She finally reached Remus and Peter (the girls had already disappeared into the dancing crowd) and gave them both a big hug. Peter blushed, and Remus smiled broadly, something elusive and immensely gratifying. 

"Where's James?" she yelled. "And it isn't like Sirius to pass up a free hug!"  
  
Remus leant over and shouted into her ear. "Just give them a few minutes. How d'you like the cake?"  
  
"It's great!"  
  
Just then Lily remembered Crookshanks. He was so small that she'd completely forgotten she was holding him until his tiny claws had scraped against her hand in protest. "Oh, I'm sorry Crookshanks!" she exclaimed, extracting him from her robes. Remus and Peter registered surprise at the small bundle, and she told them how Hagrid had 'found' him. In fact, Lily was just starting to relax when the lights centred on the cake and the music stopped. 

"Hello, everybody. My name's James Potter..."  
  
Lily felt her throat seize up. Oh no. Oh _no._ What, exactly, were they up to? James was standing at the top of the stairs, and he'd definitely recovered from his bout of breakfast blues. Recovered enough to be wearing a lime green shirt, gold medallion and white trousers. As everyone whistled and clapped, he slid expertly down the banister, coming to a halt by the cake.

"...and I'm here tonight to tell y'all a little tale about this girl I know..._Lily_." He breathed the last word in a fake husky voice, and a few people laughed. Lily sighed at his wink in her direction, and it took Charlotte's firm hand on her arm to stop her from bolting there and then. 

A few piano notes (damn Sirius and his obsession with Muggle music, damn him) tinkled into existence and James started to sing.

"Her...name...was...Lily..."  
  
No. No. As he spoke, the top of the cake swung back (she realised too late that it wasn't a cake at all) to reveal none other than _Sirius Black_, wearing one of her old dresses, a red wig and very heavy make-up. A cacophony of cat-calls, cheers, claps and laughter reached Lily's ears, and she finally joined in. Trust Sirius and James to do something like this. Sirius curtseyed, pouting, and Lily whispered in Arabella's ear.

"Do I really look like that?"  
  
"When you haven't shaved your legs..." came the innocent reply. There wasn't time for a counter attack, James was singing again, and (horror of horrors) Sirius was _dancing_.

"Her name was Lily, 

She was in Gryffindor,  
With red streaks in her hair and a robe cut down to there  
She would study and do the home-work  
But while she tried to be a star,  
Her friends just weren't up to par  
Across the common room, she worked from 8 til boom!  
They were young and blew things up,  
Who could ask for more?  
  
At the Hogwarts (HO!), School of Magic  
Where life would never be tragic! (here)  
At the Hogwarts (HO!) School of Ma-gic,  
Pranking and passion were always in fashion  
At the Hogwarts....they did detention."

There was a massive cheer as Sirius waved coyly, pirouetted on the spot and blew a kiss to the crowd. The Gryffindors roared, and Lily along with them.

*****

The party had been in full swing for almost an hour. Charlotte was trying to pull Remus on to the dance floor, where Sirius had already established himself as Lord of the Prance (or Lord of the Prats, according to Arabella). Peter had elected himself 'bar-tender' and was currently yelling for more pumpkin juice. Even the tiny first-years were enjoying themselves, and the older students certainly didn't mind letting their hair down for the night. Lily excused herself from a limbo competition and dashed upstairs to make sure Spag wasn't bullying Crookshanks. 

The dormitories were quiet, so she jumped when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

It was James, still sporting his green shirt.   


"Sorry, didn't mean to shock you..."  
  
"S'alright."  


For some inane reason, Lily suddenly felt violently awkward.

"Look, Lils..."  
  
"James, I..." 

They both laughed, and he pointed at her. "Ladies first."  
  
"Speaking of ladies, Sirius _definitely_ looked too good in a dress."  
  
James smiled, and then looked serious. "Okay, I'll go. I'm sorry I was such an idiot this morning, I know you like Matthew..."  
  
"What?"  
  
Please don't blush. Please, please, don't blush.

"Well, you're sort of friends with him, aren't you?"  
  
Oh, friends.

"Yes, yes, of course...I mean, he _is _Arabella's brother..."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I was out of line, I should've explained. Feel free to call me a git without explanation any time."

"I might just take you up on that. Git," she said affectionately, and the awkwardness disappeared. "Besides, Charlotte told me what happened. He was a complete and utter..."  


"Aries?"  
  
"Quite."  
  
James offered his arm, and Lily took it. They walked down the stairs, and joined their friends, and later, as she lay in bed, fingering her pretty new necklace with Crookshanks snoozing at her feet, Lily reflected that this had been the best birthday ever.


	3. Lazy Days

A/N Thankyou to all reviewers! Yay, people like it – Demeter, I'm interested to know what it was about my Sirius that you liked, or paused at, so I can keep on doing it. :o) Okay, look out for the L/J moments and I'll just say one thing. Remus rules. :o) You'll see why later.

Lazy Days

"This is ridiculous."  
  
Lily refused to let herself be distracted. She was revising for her last O.W.L, the all important Charms practical, and wasn't going to rise to the bait. Undaunted, Arabella slammed her book on to the library table with enough force to make Madam Pince hiss like seven bubbling cauldrons.

"Arabella Figg, if I have to tell you one more time, you'll be out of here and in detention before you can say –"  
  
"Ever so sorry, Madam Pince. I promise you that I'll -" Arabella's completely convincing delivery was always amusing to watch, but Lily forced herself to concentrate on the page in front of her. Fixing Charms, used to make other charms last for weeks on end were difficult to master, and she needed to remember the wand movements. Up, down, swish, tap. Then for all charms that lasted –

"This is ridiculous," Arabella repeated, this time in an exaggeratedly low voice. Lily sighed, and looked over the top of the book.

"What's ridiculous is trying to revise with you around," she said crossly. Her friend ignored her and continued talking.

"This is _ridiculous._"

"Alright, alright." Lily shut the book completely and put it to one side. "What's ridiculous?"  
  
"That we're sitting in here revising when it's the sunniest day on record for _twelve years_ and Dumbledore's organised a special picnic _with _entertainment to celebrate the end of exams!"  
  
"But Arabella, exams _haven't_ ended," Lily explained patiently. Much as she loved Arabella, the other witch tended to be rather dippy, albeit a lot of fun. Arabella would never let something so trifling as a Charms exam get in the way of what she really wanted to do, and sometimes Lily felt like strangling her for being so illogical. This was one of those times. "We've got the Charms Practical on Monday! It's Saturday."  
  
If this statement had any impact, Arabella didn't show it. She merely stared at Lily, obviously waiting for something.

Finally Lily couldn't stand it any longer. "What?" she snapped, earning a stern look from Madam Pince.

"Are. We. Ever. Going. To. Stop. Revising?" said Arabella, very slowly, as though talking to somebody either very deaf or very stupid. Lily, who was neither, sighed heavily, and turned to look out of the window. The high-set windows in the library showed a tantalising square of deep blue sky, and in the distance Lily could see people zooming past on their brooms. Charlotte, her other best friend, was probably among them – she'd tried out for the Quidditch team on a dare last month and had somehow become a surprisingly good Keeper.

She turned back to Arabella, about to give her consent, only to find that Arabella had already stuffed her books into a bag and had started shoving Lily's belongings in there as well. 

"Here you are, let's hurry, we don't want to miss too much," she said, beaming from ear to ear as she practically threw the bag at Lily on her way out of the library. 

Lily had to admit, marking her place in the Charms book before joining Arabella in the corridor, it was a lovely day. That morning she'd woken especially early, everyone had, it was far too hot and sticky to sleep. Even Cooling Charms hadn't done much good – Sirius Black had, as a last resort, tried to use the Cooling Charm on himself. It hadn't been one of his more successful ideas, and his jaw-length black hair had been frozen upright for the best part of the morning. If that hadn't made the fifth-year Gryffindors' spirits high enough, despite the looming Charms exam, James had somehow managed to put a Cooling Charm on Sirius' broom. When Sirius had tried to prove to a sceptical Lily that he _could_ do a perfect take-off from standing in the boy's dormitory he promptly slid off the broom backwards, shot though the open door, fell down the stairs and ended crumpled in a heap at the feet of Olivia Hempley, the prettiest girl in the school.

Needless to say, they'd all been very amused. 

"Come _on_, Lily. It's gorgeous outside, and I think I heard Remus say something about Dumbledore hiring the Travelling Troupe – this could be my chance, they might really like me, I could be a proper _actress_ –"  
  
Nodding and offering her opinion in all the right places, Lily was content to let her friend babble on as they made their way outdoors. This had been a strange year for Lily in lots of ways. For a start, it had been her first year at Hogwarts without Matthew Figg. Matthew was Arabella's older brother, and Lily vividly remembered her entirely stupid three year long crush on him. For the longest time she'd convinced herself that she was in love with him, that he really wasn't all that bad – and then she'd finally seen the truth.

That she, Lily Evans, was shallow.

It was an awful thing to have to admit, but she really had been shallow. Lily knew, had always known, that Matthew wasn't very nice. His own sister said he was mean and ruthless – she'd chosen to ignore his personality, and had been bowled over by his looks. The incident that had brought about this change of feeling was cemented in her mind as a rather painful and humiliating experience.

__

It had been her fourth-year, and finally, finally Matthew had noticed her as something more than Arabella's friend. 

"Hey, Lily," he'd said casually, running to catch up with her in the corridor. She'd been making her way to Arithmancy, and Charlotte had promised to meet her there.

"Hi," she managed to say in what she'd hoped was a devil-may-care, I'm-one-exciting-lady way while also implying that she was intelligent and studious. 

"Here, let me take those for you," said Matthew, grabbing her books and gripping them loosely under his arm. That charming smile she'd seen directed so many times at the prettier Slytherins was now fully hers. Lily thought she might faint.

"Th-thanks," she said, stuttering like Timothy Quirrel. "Er..."  
  
"I'm bothering you," he said, immediately apologetic. "I'm so sorry, I'll leave you alone..."  
  
"No!" she almost shouted, and Matthew raised his eyebrows. "I mean...er...no, of course you aren't bothering me...it isn't every day someone carries my books for me, that's all..." she trailed off. An ugly look flashed across Matthew's eyes, though she had been certain at the time she'd imagined it.

"I can't imagine Potter or Black carrying books for anyone," he'd murmured, before turning on that famous smile once more. "Actually, I wanted to ask you a favour. Arabella's always saying how clever you are, and how she thinks it'll be criminal if you aren't Head Girl one day, or Minister of Magic..."  
  
Lily giggled, somewhat nervously. Where was he going with this?  
  
"...I, alas, am not so blessed. I've been a little stuck with my Potions project, and I heard that you excelled at Potions..." 

Lily felt very flattered. She, a lowly fourth-year, being asked to help a seventh-year Prefect on his Potions project? It was unheard of, and a little voice in the back of her mind started whispering that maybe he just wanted some time alone with her...Lily suddenly realised that she was staring at Matthew in a very glazed and stupid looking manner. Shaking herself slightly, she beamed up at him.

"Yes, I'd love to. When d'you want to meet?"  
  
"Would the library, after dinner this evening, be alright?" She nodded in affirmation, and Matthew winked at her. "Thanks again, Lily. You're a star."  
  
With that, he left her by the door to the Arithmancy room.

Her head full of misty love songs, Lily barely touched her food at dinner, and then told the others that she was going to the library. Somehow she didn't think Arabella (or for that matter, any of the boys) would wholly approve of her helping Matthew. Unfortunately, Remus wanted to study with her. 

"Sorry Remus, but I...er...I work best alone."  
  
She wanted to give him a hug, he looked so hurt. 

In the library it was heaven. So Lily ended up doing most of the actual work, so what? Matthew Figg was sitting next to her, Matthew Figg was making her laugh, Matthew Figg was complimenting her on everything from her hand-writing to her eyes. All good things must, however, come to an end and he stretched, arching his back like a large cat.

  
"Time for bed, I think."  
  
"I might stay down here a little longer, if you don't mind – I think I could get it all finished."  
  
"Lily, really –" he put his hand over hers. "There's no need. You've done so much already."  
  
"It's no problem," she squeaked. "I'll bring it to you tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks so much. 'Night."  
  
And the awful thing was, for the rest of the evening she'd genuinely thought that he'd liked her. How stupid she'd been.

__

Early the next morning Lily had spent special time preparing her hair and putting on a little make-up, before she made her way excitedly to the dungeon, where the seventh-years were meeting to hand in their projects. On the way down one of the corridors she'd heard him, heard his voice, and stopped to listen to him speak. She knew that she shouldn't, but she was still hoping, hope, hope, hoping that he'd say something about her.

He did. 

"How on earth did you get yours finished, Matt? You were weeks behind..."  
  
"I got my own personal little boffin working on it, didn't I?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"That Lily Evans. You know, Bella's friend. Wouldn't say boo to a ghost, knew that she fancied me and so I got her wrapped round my little finger. Should've heard her last night, should've seen her gazing up at me – didn't take much to get her to do it all for me. Silly little bint. Just as stupid as that idiot Potter..."  
  
And that was it. 

Lily felt something inside her snap. Her first reaction was to cry, but she shouted it down. No, she burst out from the adjoining corridor and threw the project at his feet.

"I won't rip this up, because I don't want you to fail. But hear this, you slimy piece of Slytherin filth – don't ever, ever _insult my friends. James Potter is three times the man you'll ever be."_

She walked, half-ran away, knowing that angry tears were streaming down her cheeks and that they were all laughing at her.

She was crying because she'd been so shallow, and had been so blind, and because a tiny part of her heart was a little bit broken, after all. 

That was the day Lily Evans forgot about Matthew Figg.

At least it had only been a schoolgirl crush. Within the space of a day Lily felt quite normal again, and had admitted the entire (decidedly un-sordid) affair to Charlotte and Arabella. They'd comforted her, Arabella had cursed a pair of Matthew's socks in vengeance, and it had all been over and done with. Lily herself had known, deep down, that it was only a crush. Not the real thing.

Which brought her nicely to the next strange happening.

James.

"So, you tried to revise with Arabella. No wonder you were only gone for an hour," said James, laughing, running his fingers through his damp hair. He'd landed roughly on the ground near Lily and Arabella. Now she could make out Charlotte, Sirius and the other Gryffindor players putting on an acrobatics display for those lounging on the ground. Peter seemed to be hanging on to the back of Charlotte's broom, for reasons she couldn't be bothered to fathom.

Arabella had disappeared for another one of her 'little chats' with Remus. The two had been having many of these 'little chats' lately, and, in the words of Sirius, the situation was completely abnormal. Over the top Arabella and logical, gentle Remus? Still, a close friendship, or at the very least a highly _secretive_ friendship seemed to have evolved, and that had, indirectly, led Lily to James.

It had started one winter's evening. Arabella had been acting very strangely, finally excusing herself from dinner to go and visit Remus in the hospital wing. For some reason Sirius and Peter had hot-tailed it after her - Charlotte had been doing a detention with Professor Havers, and so Lily and James were left alone to eat.

In all her time at Hogwarts, Lily had never had James all to herself for any long period of time. He was so popular, always surrounded by other people, and in all these years they'd never sat down together, just the two of them. They'd had no reason to – although all the Gryffindors got on well, in the evenings they tended to separate into two groups. 

Anyway, they'd started to talk, and they'd talked. And talked. And carried on talking all the way into the common all through the evening, and only stopped when Charlotte had pointed out the time and sloped off to bed, nearly falling asleep on the way. Lily, on the other hand, had been floating on air.

She'd never have thought, not in a million years that she'd like him so much. Everything he said was funny, or thought-provoking, or just plain nice – and then she'd started to notice other things about him, too.

The way his hair flopped over his eyes on one side, and how he was continually brushing it aside. The way his entire face came alive when he laughed, and his laugh – his laugh made her smile. The warmth she felt in her cheeks when he teased her, whereas before she'd never been bothered. Something her friends had noticed was the way Lily kept dropping his name into their conversations, and she made a mental note to stop doing that.

With a start, she realised she had a dreamy smile on her face and James was still waiting for some sort of response. 

"An hour? It felt _so_ much longer – she kept stopping me every five minutes to point out how blue the sky was, how warm the sun was, how we were missing out on the chance of a life-time – her words, not mine," Lily said as James laughed and the pair made their way over to where the others had sat down. 

Despite her protests, Lily really had been looking forward to seeing the Travelling Troupe. They were a famous wizarding theatre company who only recruited the best actors and went on a world tour every summer. Sometimes they put on comedies, sometimes tragedies, sometimes even Muggle plays. Her parents had wondered at the fact that wizards didn't have televisions, but Lily assure them that the special effects one Sirius Black could produce were better than those in Muggle films – never mind a group of fully trained, experienced wizards. 

She knew Charlotte would have got them a good spot – Arabella may have been desperate to audition for the Troupe but Charlotte was desperate to see her idol, Beau Regarder. Beau's smirking face adorned the girls' dormitory walls – Lily didn't like him very much, she thought he was a little _too_ perfect to be very attractive. As she'd been told by Charlotte several million times, Beau had actually attended both Hogwarts and Beauxbatons, transferring in his sixth year. He'd been in Slytherin – a fact Charlotte often chose to overlook – and that morning she'd filled the bathroom with water, in an uncharacteristic preening session.

"Sirius wants you," Lily said, noticing the dark haired boy waving wildly at James and then pointing at something.

"Yeah, he wants a good slapping," said James ruefully, pulling a face. "Look, I wanted to have a word with you, but it'll have to wait. We'll talk later, alright?"  
  
Lily felt her heart beat faster – only because she was curious, certainly not because James Potter had his hand on her arm and was looking directly into her eyes.

"Alright," she breathed, watching him take off into the bright, sunny sky. 

"Good spot, isn't it?" said Remus, sitting down next to her. 

"Oh, yes, it's perfect," said Lily, coming back to earth with a bang. She dropped the book bag in a pile with everyone else's stuff and stretched out on the warm grass. "I could lie here all day...if I could forget about that Charms practical."  
  
Remus grinned, and lay down, chewing a piece of grass. "Arabella said you were worried. Why, I have no idea – you're even better than Sirius, and that's saying something. He always learns lots of extra ones to help with his pranks..."  
  
"_His_ pranks!" Lily exclaimed, in mock-outrage. "You four are as thick as thieves, and you know it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if most of the plans were tweaked to perfection by you, Mr Lupin."  
  
"You wouldn't be far wrong there."  
  
They lay on the grass in companionable silence for awhile, and Lily's thoughts turned once again to Boys. Boys with a capital letter, as in boyfriends. Just lately – just this year, in fact, everyone seemed more hormonally charged. So far in their little group only Sirius had actually 'stepped out' with anyone (Nicole Simms, blonde hair, very pretty, Hufflepuff – dumped within two weeks because 'it was getting too serious'), but love, and dating and _kissing_ were all anyone ever seemed to talk or think about nowadays.

She knew that Arabella liked Jaspar Jordan, a Ravenclaw sixth-year, and could see her talking to him now. Wondering whether Remus had- er- _feelings_ for Arabella, she called his attention to it.

"Look, Arabella's cornered Jaspar."  
  
Remus craned his neck to get a better look, and snorted good-naturedly. "More like he's cornered her. Nah, Jaspar's alright. He helped James out with that new Quidditch move he's trying to perfect, let him play on the pitch even though Ravenclaw had booked it."  
  
So, no apparent jealousy. Good. Good, because Lily had been keeping one little nugget of information to herself. Charlotte liked Remus. She wasn't sure how much, but she was certain that it was quite enough to rock the friendship boat if Arabella and Remus had been an official item.

It was also, in a way, bad, because now Lily had absolutely no idea as to why Remus and Arabella should be such good friends.

"Lily, what're you doing out here?" said Sirius, landing with a bounce, followed in quick succession by James, Charlotte and Peter. "I thought you vampires didn't like the sun," he teased, pulling one of her braids as he threw the broomstick to one side.

  
"Speaking of vampires," said Peter, raising his eyebrows. Severus Snape swept past the friends, sneering.

"If you need a draught of refreshing cold air, call Severus Snape. Available for birthdays and weddings, nasty demeanour included," said Sirius in a stupid voice, plonking himself down on the other side of Lily. James hit him with his broomstick.

"Ow! What was that for?"  
  
"Just because," said James. 

As the boys started chatting about Quidditch, Charlotte dragged Lily to one side. "So?" she hissed excitedly.

"What?" said Lily, a little irritated. She'd been waiting for _James_ to drag her off so he could tell her whatever it was that he needed to tell her. Maybe, just maybe, he'd want to visit Hogsmeade with her, just the two of them. They could go to the Three Broomsticks -

"Does he like her? Remus, I mean, does he like Arabella? Did he say anything about me? Do I look alright? Can you _believe_ Beau Regarder is coming _here_?"

"Yes, but only as a friend, no, yes and I'm not sure that I want to believe it," said Lily truthfully. Charlotte looked a lot happier with the knowledge that she wasn't competing with her best friend for Remus' affections, and –

"Hello, pals and palettes. What a be-yoo-tiful day it is," said Arabella, twirling in between the boys, neatly side-stepping Sirius' attempt to trip her and sitting down gracefully by Charlotte.

"What's got into you?" asked Charlotte, exchanging a glance with Lily.

"Nothing. This just so happens to be the very best day of my very short life –"  
  
"Why's that then?" interrupted Sirius, suddenly staring extremely hard at a small spider crawling over his hand.

"I wasn't talking to _you_, fluffball. I was talking to Charles and Lily, it's for their ears only," she reprimanded him good-naturedly, leaning over and covering his ears with her hands. The others laughed, and Sirius smiled, setting the spider down carefully some distance away.

"Jaspar told me that I looked lovely today, and then..." she giggled, and Sirius looked alarmed as his head was pushed rather violently forward when Arabella leaned in conspiratorially. "And then he asked me if I wanted to do some Charms revision he'd be happy to help me!"  


She leapt up, and grabbed her books. Lily pulled a face.

  
"Where are you going now?" she yelled. Arabella was already a fair distance away. 

"To go and revise with Jaspar, silly! We've got a Charms practical on _Monday_, Lily, it's dreadfully important!" came the reply.

Lily's jaw dropped, and the others burst out in fits of laughter. In all the confusion, Lily barely noticed James getting to his feet, taking her by the hand and walking her some distance away. Smooth was the only word for it, and she was most impressed. Seemed that Sirius wasn't the only one who knew how to handle the ladies – Lily suppressed a giggle at the rather unwelcome image of James with a gold tooth, surrounded by a bevy of beauties and then realised that they were standing next to the lake. 

It was a very pretty scene; some second-years had put on bathing costumes and braved the shallows; a couple of Hufflepuffs she knew (including Nicole) were sun-bathing; the impromptu football game (some Muggle-borns had seized the opportunity to show their wizard friends what football was _really_ like) finished the idyllic summer setting off.

"You're miles away," said James softly. 

Lily looked up at the sound of his voice (and she had to look up, he'd grown tall in the last year – why hadn't she noticed that?) and felt a heat rise, not in her cheeks but in her stomach. It may have sounded odd, but it was certainly true – that special warmth she only ever felt around James. 

  
"Actually, I'm right in front of you," she responded, bright as the sun. He gave her a strange sort of smile, almost as though he were sizing her up.

"Yes. Yes, you are –" The tone of his voice switched into bouncy, normal James. "And I really need a favour."  
  
All thoughts of dinner for two in Hogsmeade sank right to the bottom of the lake.

  
"It's Remus, actually. You see – well, you did see, you were there – you know when Sirius, Peter and I all started speaking backwards, and couldn't stop, and consequently got detention from Havers?"  
  
Lily nodded. She could see where this was going.

"Remus did it."  
  
"Ah, so there's in-fighting going on now?" she said wisely. James nodded.

  
"We have to get him back. Our entire reputation's at stake here – we fail to make a hit, it's gone forever."  
  
"Have you been taking acting lessons from Arabella? Because that was a little dramatic, I feel."  
  
"No, I'm deadly serious. Anyway, here's where you come in – when the Travelling Troupe ask the audience something, near the start of the show, I want you to stand up and say in a clear, loud voice 'Remus! Remus'll do it! Got that?"  
  
"Yes..."said Lily, a little confused. "But I don't see how –"  
  
"Trust me. You do trust me?" he said, and there was something so little-boy-lost about his eyes, his voice, his entire expression that Lily had to smile.

"Of course."  
  
"Great. Come on, let's go and torment Peter – he can't _stand_ the thought of the picnic being delayed any longer."  
  
She was fairly certain it had been an appreciative, sizing-up smile she'd seen someone else use only seconds ago. 

***** 

The picnic was over, and now they were all huddled together in small groups, picking from the leftovers and basking in the dying warmth of that fiery sun. Very poetic, Lily thought to herself, pushing a wilted and lonely ham sandwich around on her plate. Arabella (who'd rejoined the group for the picnic itself) wrinkled her nose.

"I don't know how you can eat meat," she said.

"Like this!" James retorted, grabbing the sandwich and putting it whole into his mouth. Lily rolled her eyes, and wanted to bury her head underneath the blanket they were sitting on. She _hated_ it when Arabella started going on about the virtues of vegetarianism, she absolutely hated it. 

"I mean, doesn't it make you sick to think of all those veins and vessels, cooked, with blood still inside them, skinned and sliced and ground into those evil little slices. And the white, slippery fat just underneath the skin, solidifying into greasy globules..." her friend was saying, eliciting groans from Peter and Charlotte. Sirius and James actually looked slightly in awe.  
  
Sirius leaned over and slung his arm around Arabella. "Bella, I don't suppose you'd go and do your little vegetarian spiel at the Slytherin table during breakfast tomorrow morning? I'd like to see how green we can make Snape and Malfoy without the use of magic."

"What have they ever done to you? And if you call me Bella again I'll put a Rotting Charm on any meat products you touch for a week."

"Alright, alright, calm down. Bella."  
  
Lily grinned, and let the conversation flow around her. She may hate the impassioned speeches on why no-one should eat meat, but she loved this. Hot summer evenings with her friends, talking about anything and everything, eating good food, with great entertainment...speaking of entertainment, Dumbledore was standing, his bright pink Bermuda shorts flashing with the words 'World's Best Dresser'.

"If I could have the pleasure of your undiluted attention, I'd like very much to introduce the world famous Travelling Troupe!" Dumbledore said, his eyes sparkling.

A hush fell over everybody, and all eyes turned to the space the teachers had cleared at the front. Lily felt Charlotte's fingers digging into her arm, and the boys stopped muttering to each other.

There was an extremely dramatic drum roll, and a fanfare of trumpets that almost deafened Lily. Sirius pretended to be blown over, and both Arabella and James slapped him on the arm. 

The music suddenly stopped, and the students all squinted as coloured smoke began to twist and solidify in the air. Lily and everyone else laughed out loud. The smoke had formed a single word.

'Applause.' 

Followed swiftly by, 'I said applause, not laugh!', which only caused more hilarity. Finally, 'I'm giving you one last chance. Applause!'

This time everyone clapped. Lily was very impressed. She could see why her friend wanted to be a part of this so much, it all seemed very exciting.

Suddenly (everything that happened with the Troupe was sudden) the smoke cleared and revealed an oddly dressed, extremely ugly and wizened old wizard. He was bent almost in two, and hobbled painfully towards them all, across the grass.

He jumped, as though surprised to see so many people, and then cleared his throat.

  
"Welcome, one and all, to the multi-coloured, multi-flavoured, multi-multi show we'll be putting on tonight. After much deliberation, the Troupe have decided to perform 'All About Merlin' – or as the muggles call it, 'The Sword in the Stone'. 

Everyone cheered – it was a popular story – and the old man held up a hand for silence. "There is, however, one condition. I have to ask the audience something –"  
  
Lily remembered James' request, and felt very nervous. Still, she wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. She supposed she should wait to hear the question – Lily was also acutely aware of the fact that James was pointing his wand at her and muttering something. She tried to ignore him.

"Will anybody out there give an old man a kiss?"  


There was a stunned silence. His repulsive little face screwed up, and he leered at Arabella. "That's right, love. A kiss for me, and then we'll do the play."  
  
She couldn't believe what she was about to do. Lily stood up slowly, and gulped. The old man's face lit up – he obviously thought that she was about to offer. Shaking with silent laughter, she said in a loud voice, "Remus! Remus'll do it!"  
  
And James must've put some sort of Compelling Charm on her, or something, because suddenly everyone, even people who didn't _know_ Remus, got to their feet and started shouting exactly the same thing.

  
"Remus!"  
  
"Yeah, Remus'll do it!"  
  
"REE-MU-US!"  


Poor Remus looked by turn puzzled, then shocked, then mortified, then angry (he had to have guessed it was the other three) and then a strange smile settled on his face.

"Alrighty then," he said, getting to his feet. "The show must go on."  
  
Everyone stopped chanting. Even the lecherous old man was speechless. Sirius sprung to his feet and grabbed Remus by the arm.

"Moony, Moony, Moony. Well done, you've given us all a shock – now sit down."  
  
"No, Sirius," said his friend, very calmly. "You wanted me to do it. I'll do it."

Sirius still hung on, reminding Lily of a dog fighting its owner for a favourite chew toy. "Remus," he said in a dangerous voice. "I'm trying to rescue you here. You don't have to do this, you don't have to prov-"  
  
Remus shook Sirius off (he must be strong, Lily realised, Sirius was lean but muscular, very muscular) and continued to amble towards the old man. Sirius sat down, amazed, and she chanced a glance at Dumbledore. While the other teachers all seemed mildly shocked, Dumbledore was eating an ice-cream and humming, as though this were all part of the entertainment. Which, in a way, she supposed it was. 

Remus was standing next to the old man, and shrugged. "How d'you want to do this?"  
  
The old man sighed. "Fine."  
  
And they kissed.

The majority of the crowd screamed with horror (the old man was _so _horrible) and laughter and admiration for Remus' pure nerve. Sirius and James bounced to their feet and gave a standing ovation – they looked for all the world like proud parents. Sirius wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Our little boy – so grown up!" he said in a choked voice.

"Look!" Charlotte yelled, jumping to her feet and pointing. "Look!"

Lily and Arabella stopped rolling around on the floor and stared.

Remus had only pecked the old man on the lips, and was wiping his hand with the back of his sleeve, grinning. He waved at the girls, but they all pointed frantically at something behind him. Lily watched him turn around and she swore that he jumped into the air.

  
For behind him, the old man had started to change form, clothes melting, skin melting and reforming into...into...

"Beau Regarder!" someone screamed.

Beau bowed, smiling, and shook Remus' hand. He then waved his wand in the air and a red curtain dropped from an over-hanging tree branch.

  
"Thankyou for your...er..._warm_ welcome," he said, smirking. "In the words of this esteemed, and very brave – are you a Gryffindor?" Remus nodded dumbly, and Beau grinned again. "Thought so. Anyway, in his words...the show must go on!"  
  
Everyone cheered, Remus received a good number of back slaps and promises of free drinks (even from a few Slytherins ) and the rest of the evening proved to be very enjoyable.

****

The play was long over, and Dumbledore had announced that for all who were hungry he'd lay on a supper in the Great Hall. Sirius, Peter and Remus were AWOL – she didn't know what had happened to them – Charlotte was queuing to meet Beau Regarder, and had been for the past hour, and Arabella was chatting to a few of the Travellers, getting career advice, she supposed.

That left her and James. How very nice...and how very _convenient_. Lily wondered if she dared to ask him, and decided to be reckless. They were sitting on the Gryffindor table, wolfing down thick cheese sandwiches. Lily swallowed, and poked James on the shoulder.

  
"Where did the other three have to go so urgently?"  
  
James shrugged, but she could see him smiling.

"You don't fool me, James Potter. Peter, miss out on a meal? I don't think so," she said teasingly, hoping she didn't sound nervous. She felt nervous. She felt very nervous, and very...very hopeful.

"What," he said, between gulps of pumpkin juice, "are you implying, Lily Evans?"  
  
Oh, she couldn't say. She couldn't say in a million years what she wanted for him to be impl-

"Do you want to go into Hogsmeade next weekend, with me?"  
  
She couldn't speak, and felt very stupid. James broke her gaze, looked down at his plate for a moment then looked back. "Er...I suddenly feel very stupid."  
  
"Yes!" she blurted out, wanting to hug him and blush and run away and talk all night all at once.

He looked confused. "Yes, I'm stupid, or yes, you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"  
  
Lily recovered enough to be exasperated. "Both, you fool."  
  
"Ah. Good. Great. Great!" he repeated. Lily took a deep breath, then stood up. James stood quickly and pulled her chair back. "After you, milady."  
  
She groaned. "Is it too late to say no?"  


"Far, far too late," said James seriously, and Lily caught her own reflection in those big brown eyes. He was right. It was far, far too late. In those lazy days of summer, Lily knew. She knew she'd fallen for James Potter.  



	4. Judgement Day

A/N Again, thanks and praise to all my reviewers...this chapter's a little more dark. The Wizarding World is on the brink of war, and reality hits home for Lily and her friends. Lily grows up, a lot, and finally finds out Remus' secret. If only it were as simple as all that... 

Disclaimer: I don't own them, JK does.

The bit at the beginning is taken from Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'. Enjoy.

Judgement Day

"How happy some o'er other some can be! 

Through Athens I am thought as fair as she. 

But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so; 

He will not know what all but he do know: 

And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes, 

So I, admiring of his qualities: 

Things base and vile, folding no quantity, 

Love can transpose to form and dignity."

She paused, and turned to face the audience, tears shining in her eyes. The next words were wistful.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; 

And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind: 

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste; 

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste: 

And therefore is Love said to be a child, 

Because in choice he is so oft beguiled."

The girl trailed off, and paused for a moment, collecting herself. 

"As waggish boys in game themselves forswear, 

So the boy Love is perjured every where: 

For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyne, 

He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine... 

And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt, 

So he dissolved, and showers of oaths did melt."

Now she seemed resolved, purposeful.

"I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight: 

Then to the wood will he to-morrow night 

Pursue her; and for this intelligence 

If I have thanks, it is a dear expense: 

But herein mean I to enrich my pain, 

To have his sight thither and back again."

Everyone clapped as she froze on-stage and the curtain fell. Lily's hands in particular hurt from clapping so much, and she felt fit to pop with pride. Charlotte was sitting next to her, and the blonde haired girl squeezed her friend's arm. "She's ever so good, isn't she?" whispered Charlotte. 

"I knew she would be," Lily said firmly, kicking the seat in front of her. James Potter turned around slowly, and she could hear Sirius snorting with laughter. 

"What is it, my lovely Lily?"  
  
"Turn around."  
  
"I have."  
  
"Right around, so I can see you."  
  
James sighed, and carried on turning. In their seventh year at Hogwarts, the Gryffindors were all in attendance at Arabella's morning dress rehearsal for the play she was in tonight. She'd been given special permission by Dumbledore to take part in the production (This Saturday Night at Hogsmeade, 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', by William Shakespeare) and as it was a Hogsmeade weekend she'd asked her friends to come and watch the dress rehearsal. 

Lily had read some Shakespeare out of interest, and found it beautiful. She loved the old-fashioned, poetic language, the way it was written to be spoken, how each word needed life breathed into it before the true beauty of each phrase could be captured. 

She also loved James Potter.

James Potter, who at the moment had Transfigured half of his face into a flower. A sunflower, nonetheless, in a rather obvious attempt to make Arabella laugh in the middle of her speech. Lily wasn't impressed.

"You could've at least done a lily!" she hissed, mindful that some of the other actors were glaring in their direction. "What made you even think of doing a flower in the first place, you nut?"  
  
"I just thought it would look funny," said James, rather mournfully. One of his petals fell to the floor, and Lily couldn't stop the smile ruining her annoyed expression.

"Just...just turn it back to how it was before."  
  
"Harsh words, Lilliput," said Sirius, passing some Chocolate Frogs back to Charlotte, Lily and Peter. "Are you sure you want it back to how it was before? Maybe you should just leave him like that and buy him a nice vase to stand in."  
  
"Can someone prune him?" Peter piped up, slumped in a seat next to Charlotte. "I can't see anything."  
  
"You aren't missing much," replied James. "It's just Arabella sighing and moaning a lot."  
  
"And no-one wants to miss that," Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Charlotte and Lily both hit him at the same time, and said "Pig!" in loud unison. Everyone else in the small theatre turned to stare at them, and the group dissolved into muffled laughter. All in all, it was just another weekend in early March. 

Except, of course, Remus was ill. He got ill on a regular basis, and Lily worried about him. He always looked somewhat sickly, and though she assumed he had some sort of illness, they'd never spoken about it. Lily accepted this – Remus had probably shared it with James or one of the other boys, and he seemed to be fine. She just wished that he trusted her enough to talk to her about it.

*****

"I might go and see Remus," Lily said lightly, as they waited for Arabella outside the changing room. She was holding James' hand, and felt it tighten a little around her own.

"I went to see him this morning, Lils, he's fine," Sirius replied, turning away from an in-depth conversation he was having with Peter. Perhaps she was being paranoid, reading too many trashy novels, but Lily thought she heard something of a warning in Sirius' tone. She decided to push it.

"Still, won't he want to hear about the play?"  
  
"Arabella can go and tell him herself." Sirius turned back to Peter, and Charlotte gave Lily an annoyed sort of glance. Oh, she knew that Charlotte was very annoyed. The black haired boy was almost viciously protective of Remus, then did something entirely contradictory like letting Arabella, of all people, visit him. And Arabella wasn't the one who _liked_ Remus. Lily was also starting to get annoyed, and wondered exactly when this blatant favouritism had reared its ugly head. 

  
"I'll go with her then," Lily countered, unable to keep the smugness from her tone. To her immense surprise, James made a tutting noise.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just...I don't think he wants many visitors...and it _was_ Arabella's play..." James trailed off lamely, failing to meet her eyes.  
  
Lily put her hands on her hips.

  
"What's going on?" she exclaimed. "Why the sudden ban on Charlotte and I ever seeing Remus? He's our friend, he's ill, and we'd like to go and see him. Sirius doesn't seem to have a problem with the wonderful _Arabella_ going to..."  
  
"Hi," Arabella said, emerging from the door, looking a little puzzled. "What's with all the shouting?"  
  
"Nothing," Peter squeaked, producing a bouquet of flowers and diffusing the situation admirably. "Well done, we got these for you."  
  
All of a sudden everyone was laughing and hugging and congratulating – although Lily saw Sirius whisper something to James when he thought no-one was looking. She put everything that she wanted to say to the back of her mind once more, and her little outburst was forgotten, or ignored. 

*****

Lily was eating her lunch with James, in the Great Hall, on a Saturday. There was nothing particularly unusual about it, apart from the fact that this lunchtime she was bored. She was _never_ bored around James.

Today was obviously the exception to the rule. 

He was stirring his tea morosely, not even looking up when some young Quidditch fans asked him for an autograph or four. James managed a weak grin, and signed the pro-offered parchment scraps quickly, before descending once more into his gloomy mood. Two years of a relationship so close it sometimes felt like marriage had given Lily the ability to almost read James' mind.

No special mind-reading skills were needed today. Anyone could tell that James Potter was 

completely miserable, and Lily felt a little insulted that even she couldn't bring him out of it. Oh, no, of course you can't, a sarcastic little voice reminded her, it's Arabella they're all fixated with today. Almost laughing at her own pettiness, Lily poked James.

"Come on, Potter, perk up. You're no fun like this –if it continues I'm seriously thinking of taking dear Severus up on his offer..."  
  
That made him look up. It irked James no end that Lily had struck up a civil working friendship with Severus Snape (they both took Advanced Arithmancy). Ever since Sirius' mother had died, and there had been that fight – that fight no-one would ever talk about – relations between the Gryffindors and Slytherins had been frostier than ever. 

Another secret.

"James..."  
  
"Lils..."  
  
She ignored his mocking tone, and laid her hand on his arm. Marvelling at how it made her heart race to touch him, even after all this time, Lily forced him to look up.   
  
"Please tell me."  
  
"Tell you what? I tell you everything..."  
  
"No, you don't. Tell me why you're so upset...tell me what's wrong with Remus..."  
  
There. Steel shutters had come down over those brown eyes, and he snapped at her. 

"Drop it."

There was no other word for it, and that was when Lily knew something was terribly wrong. James, above all, was easy-going. Peter was nervous, Remus was gentle, Sirius was passionate, and at some point in her seven years all three had snapped at Lily. She'd taken it at face value; all three had tempers. Some better hidden than others, but definitely there. James Potter never snapped, especially not at the girl he loved – something was very, very wrong.

"Fine, I will," she said, a little shocked. His face immediately changed expression, that flash of fire gone. He looked weary, and apologetic.

"I'm sorry..."  
  
"No, really – I think you need to be alone, for a while," Lily said, softening her own tone, bending down to kiss him on the cheek. She meant it, as well. In the meantime, Lily Evans was going to answer her own questions. She needed to see Remus, and for that, it seemed she needed Arabella.

Just then, Charlotte waved at her from the entrance to the Great Hall, Crookshanks wrapped around her legs. Lily ran over, and scooped up the large, orange cat, fussing over him like a baby. "Crooky-Wooky, where have you _been_?" Turning to Charlotte, she gave her friend a hug. "Where did you find him?"  
  
"He was in the Owlery, again. Snuggled up next to some of the barn owls – I'd swear he was talking to them, if I didn't know better," Charlotte replied, scratching the cat affectionately between the ears. Crookshanks was the undisputed pet of Gryffindor Tower. Friendly, clever and loving, he let everyone stroke him and rarely ever flashed his claws. Unlike the irrepressible Spag – Lily swore the scrawny grey thing waited for her at the top of the stairs so he could scratch at her ankles. 

"Charlotte, I wanted to talk to you about something," Lily said, putting the cat down, and starting to walk back to the common room. "It's this thing with Remus – I'm really worried."  
  
Lily studied Charlotte's pretty face carefully. Again, all she saw were shutters. This was how Charlotte got whenever the subject of Remus came up. It was well known (to Lily and Arabella, anyway) that Charlotte adored him, but for one reason or another, they weren't very close. This unrequited devotion was something Charlotte saw as an embarrassment, and, stubborn as ever, she refused to talk about it. Lily carried on regardless.

"I think he may have taken a turn for the worse," she said, trying to keep her voice calm. In all these years, all the times he'd been ill, Lily's inner pessimist had been repeatedly telling her that something would go wrong, that one day he wouldn't come back from the hospital wing. "I think that's why James is so upset, and –"  
  
"It doesn't explain why we're the only two not permitted to see him, though, does it?" said Charlotte logically, as the two reached the portrait hole.

"True. _Lovely Lily_," Lily stated to a bored looking Fat Lady. James had chosen the password for this fortnight, to her immense embarrassment. Still, she was planning to get him back properly next week. Charlotte grinned.

  
"What're you changing it to again?" she enquired.

"Oh, I was thinking maybe _James Is Unnaturally Fond Of His Broomstick_, but it's probably too long."  
  
Their giggles were the only sound in the Tower. It was empty and quiet as a morgue. Suddenly Lily realised that on the walk from the Great Hall she hadn't seen anyone. Now she wondered what could've happened.

"Lils...where is everyone?"  
  
"Just what I was thinking. Come on, lets check the bedrooms."  
  
Both girls knocked on various doors, calling out to people they knew. The last room was their own, and Charlotte collapsed on the bed. "No sign of anyone. Very strange."  
  
"Very."  
  
Lily leaned against the door for a second, and was just about to suggest that they go back to the Great Hall when she heard voices. 

"Shush!" Lily hissed, and beckoned to her friend. Through the door they could hear what was clearly two very annoyed people trying to speak in very quiet voices. Or what passed for quiet voices, when the two people in question were Arabella and Sirius.

"I can't do that!" Definitely Arabella.

"You have to! There's no other choice!"   


"But I can't..."  
  
"You aren't _that_ bad at curses..."  
  
"Oh, don't start that, I'm _fine _at curses, I just don't want to use them on my _friends_..."  
  
"Only to save your other friend, who needs you right now, more than they do – how can you even _think _about it, you saw him earlier, you saw what that _bastard_ did to him..."  
  
There was a pause, and then Sirius spoke again, softer still.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Arry. Come here, come on...look, it'll be fine, but you _have to stop them from finding out_."  
  
"Maybe...maybe they should find out. I did...and they'll hear about it anyway."

"Not the whole story. And the more people who know, the more dangerous it is. Bad enough that _you're_ involved, never mind Lily and Charlotte..."  
  
"Okay, fine, I'll do it. For him, not for you."  
  
"Good girl."  
  
Lily exchanged a puzzled look with Charlotte, and then the blonde girl pulled her friend away from the door. Someone on the other side fumbled with the handle for several moments (muttering 'Blast, blast, blast!') before flinging the dormitory door wide open and leaping through. Arabella had a panicked gleam in her eye, and for a second or two Lily was actually worried. 

"Er...you can't go out there," Arabella said, waving her wand frantically. "Or I'll hex-"  
  
Charlotte leaned forward, an exasperated look on her face, snatched the wand neatly out of Arabella's hand and put in her pocket. 

"Oh!" Arabella exclaimed, clamping her hand over her mouth.  
  
Lily could be very scary at times. Now was one of those times. Narrowing those famous green eyes, she turned to Charlotte.

"Shut the door. Arabella, you'd better tell us what's going on _right now._" 

The other girl was wringing her hands together, and tried to make a move for the door. Charlotte was already there, and scowling, Arabella sat down on the end of her bed, head in her hands. Crookshanks and Spag both leapt up with protesting yowls, and Crookshanks ran to Lily's feet. Without realising that she was echoing McGonagall at the Sorting, all those years ago, Lily crossed her arms.

"Explain," she said curtly.

For a long minute Arabella sat there, seeming to compose herself. At last, she leaned back, resting her head against the wall with a dull thud. Lily felt immediately sorry. Tears were making their slow tracks down Arabella's cheeks, and she started to speak.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind...did you listen to the play, earlier?"  
  
"What?" queried Charlotte, obviously thrown. 

"Yes," said Lily, in that same level tone. "We did. You were very good. I just don't think this is the time for dramatics –"  
  
"Oh, this is the perfect time for dramatics," said Arabella with a hollow chuckle. "This, I promise you, is the stuff plays are made of. The confrontation scene," she said, flinging her arms apart. "One girl knows a secret, a terrible secret, and now must her companions somehow make her confess to it – despite her best efforts, the girl reveals the secret...and then...and then there'll be many more confrontations," she finished, miserably.

Lily didn't know quite what to say. Instead, she listened.

  
"It started...I can't believe that I'm telling you this..."

"Tell it."  
  
Arabella shook her head slowly, and a humourless smile stole over her lips. "I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should...understand, you have to understand, I'm not telling you this because you asked, or forced me to – I'm telling you because I think you need to know. I think you have a right."  
  
She took a deep breath, and Charlotte slumped against the door. Lily hoped that last little outburst really had been the last – after all, they had lessons soon. For a moment, everything was clinging on to normal. The tower was deserted, she knew someone had a secret, but for all that _she_ was normal. She felt normal. Lily was to reflect later that this was the moment everything changed, forever. 

This moment. These words.

"I left that book I was reading downstairs, you know, 'Dedalus Diggle – An Autobiography'?" The others nodded, puzzled, and she continued. "Well, I wanted to read it – this was in fifth year, so it's been two years...two years, almost exactly to the day." She gave another empty laugh. "Bizarre timing. So, I went downstairs and I heard voices – I thought most people had gone to bed. But they hadn't. It was Sirius and James, and they were holding something, talking to it. When I say they, I mean James was holding it...I couldn't see very clearly, they had their backs to me. I called out, and they both moved so quickly – I knew they were up to something. It isn't so unusual, is it?"  
  
"We had a short conversation, I grabbed the book, said goodnight, went back upstairs, and that should've been the end of it. But I was curious...remember, Charlotte, when you told me you thought they had something special, like an Invisibility Cloak, because they never got caught, never?" 

Charlotte shrugged. "I...I suppose I might have, once."  
  
"You did, the day before. I didn't go to bed. I waited round the corner, and when I looked back...they'd disappeared. I could hear them talking, though. Sirius said that it had been too close, and James didn't say anything...then the portrait hole opened."  
  
The words seemed to be coming easier now, and Lily wondered what could be so secret, what could be so awful that involved her James?

"I waited until it shut again, then I ran downstairs, and opened it. They were still invisible, but I could hear their footsteps – it was really stupid. I mean, this was Sirius and James – but I didn't want them to see me. I listened, and I walked at the same time as they did – _now_ I know they were preoccupied with something else, so they probably wouldn't have heard me anyway."  
  
"Once we were outside, the cloak came off. I hid behind a bush – it was so cold, and wet, all drizzly. I was shivering, and I saw this little grey rat shoot off, towards the Whomping Willow. The other two set off after it, and I followed as best as I could, keeping to the shadows, running from bush to bush."  
  
"Was it an Invisibility Cloak?" Charlotte interrupted.   
  
"Yes, yes, it's so pretty...all silvery." Arabella took another deep breath. "I could stop talking now, and you wouldn't know. This is the last part. Are you sure you want to know? Nothing'll ever be the same again, I promise you that."  
  
"We're sure," said Lily, hoping that she didn't look as white and drawn as Arabella.

"Alright then. The...the rat went underneath the Willow. And then...I was so _scared_, Lily...James turned into a stag, and Sirius turned into this enormous dog."  
  
What?

"Are you serious? You seriously expect us to believe..." Lily exclaimed, angry. Why wasn't Arabella telling the truth?  
  
"I am, Lily. They're Animagi. They're so much more clever than we thought...and I couldn't help it, I screamed. Well, it was more of a yelp...and it all happened so quickly. I saw Sirius switch back, I saw the rat come running, I saw the stag rear up, I saw Sirius so angry, he was so angry, walking towards me, and he couldn't see...oh, he couldn't see the Willow...._it had stopped moving_."  
  
Arabella's voice was thin with horror, and she fixed frightened, bleary eyes on Lily.  
  
"And then I heard it howl. And I saw the stag run for the tree, antlers down, maybe James was shocked but he wasn't quick enough, and Sirius grabbed me, and he started shaking me, then he heard it too, and his face...he pushed me to the ground, and I saw it jump, and then James was back...he knocked into it, and suddenly there was this dog jumping away from me and they were fighting with it...I ran. God, I ran...I cut my face when I fell, and it could smell the blood, I was crying....I fell over at the door, I've never been so scared...I was so scared..."  


Charlotte immediately moved to put her arms around Arabella, the other girl crying against her friend's shoulder. Lily was still stunned. She thought she shared everything with James...no secrets...not until this. And a growing dread was filling her stomach.

"Arabella. What was it? What was chasing you?"  
  
The choked response made every hair on the back of her neck stand to attention.

"Remus. He's a werewolf."

It didn't register in Lily's brain. For a blissful minute everything logical and rational, and for that matter everything illogical, simply ceased to function. She just stood, a particular image of Remus emblazoned on her mind. 

He was helping a stressed little gaggle of first-years with their Charms homework, showing them all how to make the correct wand movements and best of all doing it in his usual, patient, ever-so-gentle Remus way. Making them all laugh at the same time, of course – you had to have a sense of humour if you could stand to be around James and Sirius for any length of time.

Seventh-year Remus, using his free time to help others, to ease the burdens on their small hearts. Selfless, beautiful, caring Remus. With his golden eyes and his speckled hair and his _monthly illness_...

Then logic returned to run the Lily Show.

"What happened?"  
  
"Wha'?" Arabella sniffled.  
  
"What happened today?" Lily said flatly. "Where is everyone?"  
  
"This...this is the worst part. Someone...something came to Hogwarts...oh, Lily, it made him change! And he was in the hospital wing, and the thing forced him to change, and he attacked her...he didn't mean to, oh, he didn't..."  
  
Lily had finally had enough of Arabella's incoherent babbling. She obviously wasn't a good person in a crisis. She needed someone who was level-headed (Remus) and who was clear (Remus) and failing that she needed James. She really needed James.

"Stay here, with her," she said in Charlotte's general direction. "I'm off to get those answers."  
  
Charlotte sprang to her feet, indignant. "I want some answers too."  
  
"I'll come," Arabella said quickly, drying her eyes. "I am a Gryffindor, you know, better to face the music head on...even if it's very _angry_ music," she added, wincing.

Three witches left Gryffindor Tower, led by Lily. They moved quickly, and found the rest of the school in the Great Hall. Dumbledore was speaking, and Lily motioned to the other two to stand back.

  
"We'll listen at the back," she said.

"...all here to clarify something. Nobody is dead. Nobody is in danger. Madam Pomfrey has been taken to Mungo's and she's currently being treated for _minor injuries_. A student was also injured in the attack, Remus Lupin. He's currently resting in the hospital wing. Having said this, it would make me very happy if you'd all stay in the Great Hall until further notice. Prefects, Head Boy and Head Girl, I'd appreciate life even more if you'd all come over here and talk to me. Thank you."  
  
Lily couldn't see James or the boys anywhere. Sirius was also a Prefect, as was Charlotte. James, of course, was Head Boy – at least she was here. The Prefects from the other houses congregated around Dumbledore. Lily nudged Charlotte and they walked towards him, followed by Arabella. All around them students were muttering, worried, and teachers were standing by the entrance doors, wands raised.

"Ah, Miss Figg. Is there something I can help you with?" Dumbledore ventured. 

"I want to help you. It's Remus," she said, by way of explanation. Dumbledore seemed to accept this, and Lily reached over to squeeze her friend's hand. She hadn't stopped to think how hard it must've been for her, carrying that knowledge around for two years, worrying every full moon. 

"Very well. Now, understand, for the moment I don't want this information to reach the ears of the other students. The attack was carried out by a person we believe to be a Death Eater."  
  
At this, most people gasped, and Lily felt her breath catch. No. Not here, not now. The Death Eaters were a small cult, growing larger by the day. They left their killing mark wherever they went – many of the disappearances had been attributed to them. No-one knew who their leader was, though recently there had been talk of a name, of a Lord...  
  
"Lord Voldemort?"  
  
"James!"  
  
Lily couldn't help herself. She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him furiously. "I didn't know where you were."  
  
He smiled, pleased at her reaction, and hugged her back. It was such a comfort to feel those familiar hands around her waist, to be able to smell that clean scent, a mixture of soap and grass and fresh air. Releasing him, she noticed that Sirius was standing just behind him, his face unreadable. He looked a little lost, like he didn't know how to react.

Lily did. She leaned over, and clasped his hand. "It's all right," she whispered. "He's still Remus."  
  
She didn't miss the look of gratitude in Sirius' eyes before Dumbledore started talking again. "Perhaps, James. We can't rule out the possibility...whoever it was managed to get into Hogwarts. I haven't yet informed you all of the worst part. The Death Eater brought a werewolf into Hogwarts, forced it to transform and has set it loose in the school. The teachers are standing guard at the moment, but in a matter of seconds most must leave the Hall and try to track the werewolf down."  
  
"Will you kill it?" asked a bright-eyed Ravenclaw.

"Of course not," Dumbledore said sternly. "At the moment the wolf is in control of an innocent human being, a person just like you or me."

  
Amen, thought Lily. Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind...her mind knew Remus was Remus. Extra hair and a pointed snout didn't change that one bit.

  
"I want you, my best students, to protect the others with the remaining teachers. You all know how to stun? Excellent."  
  
He walked away. Sirius grabbed James and the two ran after him – Lily and Charlotte started to walk towards the doors. Arabella stood there for a moment, then followed.

"You two!" she called.

"What?" asked Lily, distracted.

"I think James..." she lowered her voice. "I think James and Sirius are going to ask Dumbledore if they can help search for Remus, and I think they'll ask for you two to help."  
  
"Why?" said Charlotte, fingering her wand.

"Because as Animagi, they can control him, but they'll need a human wizard back-up to stun him or something – Dumbledore doesn't know that they're Animagi, you see..."

Lily had almost forgotten that part, but now it came rushing back. Three of her friends were illegal Animagi. _Illegal_. Dangerous, illegal, complicated magic – and her boyfriend, her lover, the person she trusted most in the world _hadn't told her_. 

"Fine," she sighed, and the two started walking back towards Dumbledore, Arabella keeping her distance. Of course, Lily thought, she wasn't supposed to tell, was she? The look Sirius kept giving her was enough to make anyone jumpy. James turned around with a triumphant smile on his face, then spotted the girls. His turn to sigh.

  
"I don't know how much Arabella told you..."  
  
"Everything," Arabella said promptly. Sirius glowered.

"Ah. Right then. So you two know why we need you..."  
  
"To come with you, yes," Lily said, her voice cold. She nodded at Sirius. "I'll go with you. Charlotte, you go with James."  
  
And that was that. 

*****

"Why did she tell you?" Sirius said shortly. They'd been walking in silence, both worried, both strained. 

"She said because she thought we had a right to know."  
  
Sirius shook his head, and a note of admiration crept into his voice. "For someone who's the epitome of dippiness, she can be a headstrong little thing. Still, it wasn't her place, Remus should've been the one to tell you."  
  
"It's his business," Lily answered, with a shrug. 

  
"Don't be like that." He sounded very tired, and she knew how awful he felt, because she felt it too. Hunting down your best friend. "He was always so careful...it'll kill him to know he hurt Poppy, it'll kill him to know he was running loose like this..."  
  
"Careful?" she snapped. "I don't call running around in the grounds with your illegal Animagi best friends careful! And he nearly killed Arabella once, too. Did that upset him?"  
  
Sirius fixed her with a flat stare. "Yes. It did. He ripped his stomach open that night, almost killed himself. Is that upset enough?" 

They both carried on in an angry silence. The corridors were empty, and although it was near midday, the light was fading quickly. Lily shivered with the cold, and needed a few important gaps in her knowledge filling.

"So, Arabella said something about the Willow...he goes under there?"  
  
"It leads to the Shrieking Shack. Place isn't haunted – not anymore – he scared the ghosts away."  
  
"Those screams..."  
  
"That's our boy," Sirius said grimly.

Lily wanted to be sick. She remembered when she and the girls had gone into Hogsmeade for Bonfire Night last year, and had heard the wails coming from the Shack. They'd all been laughing, pretending to be scared, even Arabella...and all the while, it had been Remus, ripping himself to pieces.

"She's a good actress. I couldn't've pulled it off," Lily said.

"Yeah. Look...couldn't tell you about this before, but I can now...you know that fight, with Severus? When he said those things about my mum...I flipped. Went mental. And on a full moon I told him how to get to the Shack..."  
  
Lily froze. "So he knows? And you could've killed him, Sirius! How could you be so..."  
  
"I know. And I regret it...but you didn't hear him, Lily."  
  
"And you'd want Remus to live with that guilt."  
  
"No! That's the last thing...look, it was all on the spur of the moment. I've been through it all with the others...they were so angry. Dumbledore was so quiet...I honestly thought the slimy git had found out...he was talking about how werewolves and vampires and all those Death Eaters had...with my _mum_...and it just slipped out." Sirius stopped for a moment, deep in reverie. Lily didn't look too closely at his eyes, in case she saw tears. "'You have no idea, Snape. You want to find out how it feels, touch that knot on the Willow. You wouldn't dare.' I thought he knew," Sirius repeated hollowly. "I told James, and he saved him. He saved both of them, Snape and Remus. It isn't something I'm proud of...but I'm not perfect. Nobody is."  
  
"I'm not saying that you're..."  
  
And she heard it. A snuffling, clicking noise. The click, click, click of claws on a stone floor. 

"Sirius."  
  
"I know."

All animosity forgotten, the two stopped moving. Lily knew what Sirius was about to do, and despite herself, she was interested. He inhaled deeply, then seemed to almost melt into the shape of a large, black dog. The dog thrust its nose into Lily's hand, and licked her palm. 

"Padfoot," she breathed. Yes, now it all made sense. Moony was Remus, Padfoot was Sirius, James was Prongs and Peter, the rat, was Wormtail.

Moony was angry.

Padfoot walked a little ahead of her, and Lily raised her wand, ready to stun. Although the dog was enormous, much larger than any she'd seen before, Lily was understandably nervous. She also thought that Dumbledore must have an idea about the whole Animagus thing, because he'd normally never let students, no matter how capable, chase after a fully-grown werewolf.

Remus, she reminded herself, this is Remus we're talking about. He's not a thing, not an it...he's just not in control at the moment, and we have to help him. She heard Padfoot snarl, and footsteps running away. Footsteps? 

Then the wolf pounced.

He'd been crouching in a corner, behind them. They'd walked straight past him, too busy arguing...and now her back was exposed. Lily couldn't scream. Padfoot leapt in front of her, muscles rippling under the short, black coat and grappled the wolf. Moving almost automatically, Lily drew her wand arm into duelling position, and waited until the wolf had pinned Padfoot against the floor. Later, she was amazed at how coldly she'd waited until she could be sure of a clear line of attack, how she hadn't thought of Sirius' safety. Now, she simply acted. It was the right thing to do.

"_Stupefy_!" she cried, and the spell hit the wolf directly between the eyes, the best place to do it. The spell acted instantaneously; the werewolf fell on its side, leaving Padfoot rather dazed on the floor. Lily blinked away sudden tears that had formed in her eyes and ran to help Sirius.  
  
"Sirius! Are you..."  
  
The black dog's fur smoothly flowed into flesh, and Sirius stood up with Lily's help, a little shaky on his feet.   
  
"He's never gone for me like that before. Must've been because you were here too...humans drive him mad."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Sorry? You saved both of our lives. Remus would have killed himself if he'd seriously hurt anyone. Thank you," Sirius said, staring directly into her eyes. For all his wildness, the boy could speak straight from his heart. It was a gift, that, to always be heartfelt – Lily prayed he'd never lose it.

"That's fine," she heard herself saying. "We should take him to the hospital wing."  
  
Sirius nodded curtly, and turned around, busying himself with Remus...or the wolf that used Remus' body. The way he tended to him was at once gentle and experienced, and she knew now that this probably hadn't been the first time the wolf had been hurt.

Lily made a promise to herself that she would never ask James, or any of the others, exactly what had happened to them on those long, moonlit nights. She didn't want to know. Then she remembered something, something very important.

"Wait."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you hear earlier...the footsteps..."

Sirius shrugged, and tapped Remus with his wand. The werewolf lifted several feet into the air. "Probably a teacher, I was concentrating on Moony's scent, so I didn't pick anything up." He frowned. "You don't think that Death Eater stayed with him?"  
  
"I don't know. Can a person control a werewolf?

"He made Remus change, we know that much. With enough Dark Magic, you can do anything...at a cost," Sirius added hurriedly. 

"I think we should go and tell – Professor!"  
  
Lily saw Professor Dumbledore turning round the end of the corridor, James, Charlotte and Peter in tow. Without stopping to wonder where Peter had come from, Lily ran towards them, Sirius following with the body of the werewolf. She saw the colour drain from three faces, and quickly reassured them.

"He's fine, just stupefied."  
  
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and his beard quivered. "Ah. He. I presume that yourself and Miss Happleton are the latest to find out about Mr Lupin's secret?"  
  
Lily wasn't really sure how to answer. "Er...what secret would that be, sir?" she tried. 

Dumbledore smiled. "Exactly right, dear child, exactly. Now then, if you'll allow us to escort the werewolf to the Infirmary..."  
  
"What will you tell everyone, Professor?" James interrupted.

"I shall tell them the truth, of course. That the werewolf was successfully intercepted by Mr Black and Miss Evans, and has been placed into the care of the Ministry. Madam Pomfrey and Mr Lupin shall recover from their injuries, and life will return to normal."  
  
"But it won't, will it?" said Peter, in a very small voice. "A Death Eater got in. Hogwarts isn't safe."  
  
"It is safe, Mr Pettigrew. I will see to that _personally_," replied Dumbledore, and his voice possessed a steel-like quality that Lily had never heard before. 

"Did the werewolf bite Pop...Madam Pomfrey?" asked Sirius. 

"No. It was the Death Eater who attacked her," said James suddenly. He'd obviously already asked Dumbledore, and Lily felt her heart warm again at deep concern they'd all shown for Remus. Then she remembered the footsteps, and chill crept back down her spine.

  
"Professor Dumbledore, just before Sirius and I encountered the werewolf, we heard footsteps running in the other direction," she said.

"Footsteps?" the Headmaster asked sharply. Lily nodded. 

"Thank you, Miss Evans. If you would all take the werewolf to the hospital wing, and then return to the Great Hall, I would be very grateful. Inform Professor McGonagall that the students should return to their dormitories and stay there. Lessons are cancelled for the remainder of the day."  
  
"You better tell her that part Lily, I'm not sure she'd believe me or James," said Sirius, in an attempt at levity. Dumbledore smiled.

"Very good, young people. Carry on."  
  
And he disappeared around the end of the corridor. That left Lily standing with three of her friends and a floating werewolf. In different circumstances, it would've been funny.

"Peter, why aren't you in the Hall?" she said finally, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I...er...thought I could help. What with the er...you know," he said weakly. Lily fixed James with a gimlet stare.

"Yes, I do know, thanks to _Arabella_."  
  
"I really think we should go straight to the hospital wing," said Charlotte in a high voice. Sirius nodded his agreement, and they started moving quickly, carefully. Looking sideways, Lily noticed James had a cut on his hand. She badly wanted to kiss him.

She couldn't.

******

The atmosphere in Gryffindor Tower was unbearably charged and stuffy. It was rare for every Gryffindor to be in the common room at once, and Lily felt claustrophobic. There was a very definite divide between the seventh years – those who had known about Remus, those who had just found out, and Arabella. 

Lily was sitting with Charlotte, near the fire. The boys were in their dormitory, and Arabella had skulked off to the bathroom to wash her hair when she realised that no-one was in the mood to talk to her. Both groups felt betrayed, and Lily the most of all. 

Now she'd had time to sort it all out in her head, she was very hurt. Why hadn't James told her? How could he lie to her like that, not even mention that he had an Invisibility Cloak, never mind the fact that he was an Animagus? Didn't he trust her? Did he really think that she was too much of a prissy, goody-two-shoes Head Girl to know?

  
"I hope he's okay," Charlotte ventured. "It must hurt, having to change like that."  
  
Lily nodded. 

"D'you think that you and Sirius really did scare that Death Eater away?"

"I don't know. Maybe he or she realised that it was a good time to leave..." Something was starting to form in Lily's quick mind, a horrible something that she forced herself to think about. "Why bother setting the werewolf on us anyway?" she said out-loud.

"They're Death Eaters, Lily, they probably get their kicks seeing frightened children in mortal danger," said Charlotte, running her fingers through her hair.

"But we _weren't_ in mortal danger – we caught him again easily enough, and I'm sure Dumbledore could've easily got him, Animagus or not. And it wasn't an ordinary attack – how, exactly, did he get into Hogwarts in the first place?"  
  
"You think it was an inside job?"  
  
"Maybe. More than that – I think it was a distraction. I think we were meant to hear those footsteps, and I think we need to go and help, _now_."

Lily stood up, and Charlotte rolled her eyes. "We can't. We have to stay in here."  
  
"No. I think we should go to the Shrieking Shack."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't you see? Whoever came here knew that Remus was a werewolf – doesn't it make sense that they'd also know about the Shack being an entrance into the grounds?" A sudden rush of adrenaline gave Lily the answer she needed. "Godric – it was Snape."  
  
"You've lost me."  
  
"Snape knew about the Shack, about Remus' condition. I'll tell you the rest later – he could've told anyone about it."  
  
"But why would he do something like that?"  
  
Lily faltered. "I have no idea. But I'll bet you any money we'll find some answers at the Shack. Come on."  
  
******

In the dark the Whomping Willow was a Medusa's nest of writhing limbs and thrashing branches. Charlotte was shivering a little, and although she'd never admit to it (Lily Evans wasn't rash or forgetful) Lily wished she'd brought a cloak. 

"So, Wonder Woman, what do we do now?" said Charlotte, with more sarcasm than was strictly needed.

"We find the knot, and we push it." Thanking Professor Flitwick for making them work so hard in last weeks lesson, Lily pointed her wand at her eyes. "_Oculus lumen_,_" _she said, before turning to Charlotte and winking. Charlotte smiled, and raised her eyebrows.

"That's a new look."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Knowing her eyes were now a truly luminous green, Lily could see perfectly in the dark. She saw the knot, near the bottom of the trunk, and held out her hand. "Give me a stick, a long one...thanks again."  
  
Kneeling on the floor, she leaned over and carefully poked the knot. It took her a couple of attempts – Lily wasn't noted for her physical strength – until finally the knot moved and the branches stopped. They just stopped, no creak of wood, no final lurching movements. 

It was eerie.

Lily saw a passage open up in the trunk, and her breath caught in her throat. Did they really want to do this? Head Girl she may be, but Lily wasn't sure if she was any match for a Death Eater.

"I don't like it," Charlotte whispered. "Maybe we should get Dumbledore, or James..."  
  
"If we go now, he could get away," Lily hissed back, her resolve stiffened. Picking her way towards the entrance, she heard Charlotte sigh and follow her. This was possibly the most stupid thing that she'd done in her entire life. "All part of being a Gryffindor," she muttered under her breath. 

There was a short underground passage, that sloped up, then became a flight of stairs. Lily climbed them, and then stifled the urge to shout. 

Nothing could have prepared her for what happened next.

*****

"You," she breathed, knowing that Charlotte was gasping in shock and disbelief by her side. 

"It isn't what you think," said Matthew calmly, fastening his cloak around his shoulders and combing his hair into place. "Now run along back to Hogwarts, before someone gets hurt."  
  
"BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT!" yelled Charlotte, in an uncharacteristic outburst. "YOU JUST SET A WEREWOLF LOOSE IN THE SCHOOL! YOU HURT REMUS, YOU USED HIM YOU DISGUSTING SLYTHERIN SCUMBAG-"  


Lily grabbed Charlotte by the wrist and squeezed. Hard. Matthew noticed, and smiled coldly.

"Good move, Evans. Don't make the Death Eater angry. As for Lupin, he was inconsequential. A pawn, nothing more, nothing less."  
  
"You can't be," Lily said, shaking her head. "You can't be one. Arabella -"  
  
"Arabella is a foolish little girl who only sees what she wants to, as do all of your silly friends, Lily Evans. You, on the other hand, are a little different, or you wouldn't be here now. At the moment you're in mortal danger, and it would be in your best interests to leave. Now."

"And let you escape?" said Lily, some of the Gryffindor bravado returning. How dare he insult her friends, how dare he? "I don't think so." She raised her wand. "_Petrificus Totallus!"_

The spell bounced harmlessly off Matthew and hit the wall, leaving a scorch mark three feet wide. "Did you really think you'd be able to stop me? The Dark Lord protects me." In his face Lily saw the icy facade shift minutely, and Matthew winced, touching his forearm. "Now get lost." There was something of the boy she'd known in his voice just then, and it made Lily bold.  
  
"Why don't you just kill us?"  
  
"Nice one, Lils, ask the Death Eater to kill us," Charlotte said, her voice barely audible. Lily ignored her, and stared at Matthew.   
  
"Because it isn't necessary," he said loudly, then did something Lily didn't understand.

He rolled up one sleeve of his robes to reveal an ugly tattoo, and then raised his finger to his lips to indicate silence.

"Go," he said again. "Or maybe I'll find some other use for you," he added, voice lecherous. Again, he tapped his now pulsating tattoo, wincing in pain, and when he looked back up, he nodded frantically towards the exit. And Lily understood. 

Arabella wasn't the only actor in the family.

"Matthew, Matthew, Matthew."  
  
Unfortunately, she'd understood too late. The creature from her nightmares, the high-pitched voice she'd heard cackling on news reports from the wireless, the brittle bone fingers she'd seen only in her imagination were idly playing with a wand and drawing ever closer. Voldemort was here.

"My Lord," said Matthew, sneering. He was good, she'd give him that. "I was just trying to be rid of these two girls...unless, of course, you would like them for yourself."  
  
Voldemort giggled. It was a foul noise, almost child-like in intonation, and completely surreal that it should come from those pinched, white lips. "You do amuse me, boy. I am Lord Voldemort." He paused for a moment. "Yes, I am Lord Voldemort, and I see everything. The Muggles, the Muggle-borns," he pointed almost lazily at charlotte and Lily. Lily clasped Charlotte's hand, very tightly. "And the Unspeakables." He prodded Matthew in the chest. "Oh, the Unspeakables – you know, girls," he said, turning to face them. "Matthew here may work for the Ministry, the so-called fighters of evil, but if you asked him what he'd done in the name of subterfuge you'd be shocked. Setting that werewolf loose on innocent children wouldn't have troubled his conscience..."  


"It was a calculated risk," said Matthew in that same, level voice. Lily wondered at his lack of emotion, wondered if it was a part of his training or a result of his work. Voldemort carried on talking.

"...he tortures fellow Death Eaters for information, just like this..._Crucio_," said Voldemort. Matthew doubled over in silent agony. Lily's face blanched – _Voldemort hadn't even used his wand_.

"He's taken part in killing Muggle children, all to stay undetected, undercover, in the hope that one day I, the greatest wizard of our time, will fall."  
  
"You aren't the greatest wizard," Lily said through gritted teeth. "Dumbledore is, and you're scared of him."

Voldemort laughed again, and Lily heard Charlotte give a dry sob as they heard Matthew's bones pop from their sockets. She hoped he was unconscious, he had to be unconscious – an unwelcome picture Arabella kept on a frame on the windowsill came to mind. Matthew was about ten, Arabella several years younger, he was piggy-backing her around the garden. Both children were grinning, the same smile. She'd never noticed until now just how alike they were. It was all she could do not to burst into tears.

"I'm scared of no-one, _Lily Evans_," he hissed. 

Just then, Lily heard muffled voices, heavy footsteps, people running to their rescue...they would be too late, far, far too late...

"Far, far too late," said James seriously, and Lily caught her own reflection in those big brown eyes.

She wanted James, she needed him so badly that her heart was beating wildly against her ribs, aching to be near him. Lily wanted to smell that soap and grass, wanted those arms that were strong they were almost a cliché to wrap around her waist. She needed him.

"Goodbye, children." He was going, he was leaving, and she couldn't let him. He had to pay. Without thinking, Lily lunged at him, and froze in mid-air. He chuckled.

"No." He appeared to be thinking. "I won't kill you, not today. They say it's worse for those who are left behind. _Avada Kedavra!_"  
  
Lily knew what he was about to do. "Charlotte!" she screamed, and the other girl hit the floor, the green light bouncing from the mirror behind her. Before she knew what was happening, Lily had crumpled to the floor, weeping. Voldemort had gone.

"LILY!"

Then it was James, the soap and grass joined by sweat, he was holding her so tightly that she couldn't draw breath and it was okay, everything was alright. "J-James," she sobbed. "I l-love you so much..."  
  
"I love you too, I love you, I always have," he murmured into her hair. "Always will...shush, hush now, you're fine."  
  
She heard other footsteps, other muffled voices, but didn't bother to look up. There would be too much explaining, and she was tired. Let Matthew and Charlotte handle it.

"...Charlotte, you're sure you're not hurt..."  
  
"...Sirius, she's shaking..."  
  
"...Peter...Peter, look..."  
  
Then another hand was lightly resting on her back, and she felt James pull away. It was Dumbledore, his blue eyes a reassuring light. "Miss Evans? I think you're in shock, my dear. You've had quite an ordeal...was it Voldemort?"  
  
Lily nodded dumbly.

"And what was Matthew Figg's part in all this?"  
  
"He'll tell you later, he's been under the Cruicatus," she got out eventually, her voice strangely hoarse.

Then Dumbledore closed his eyes, and she pulled away from James, and she saw. Charlotte was crying uncontrollably, Peter and Sirius staring on, unable to speak.

Matthew's body, in a crumpled heap on the floor. The curse had reflected from the mirror, and she remembered something Professor Havers had said in DADA. The killing curse will always find a victim, always. 

"Oh no," she whispered. "Oh no."

Before she fell once more into James' arms, she'd seen it all. The unnatural twisting of his broken limbs, where his arm had been ripped from its socket. How he'd bitten his tongue, and even now blood trickled from his ruined mouth.

"Excuse me," Peter muttered, and he disappeared down the tunnel.

As she cried softly, she heard him being sick.

*****

Dumbledore had been joined almost instantly in the Shack by Havers and McGonagall, and Lily had told them all what had transpired. Funny how things turned out – Dumbledore and Havers had known all along that Matthew was an Unspeakable. If only she had. If only she and Charlotte had left. He might still be alive. 

James had volunteered to stay and help the teachers – Charlotte said she'd stay with the body. It was strange how everyone except Dumbledore was calling it the body. Peter wasn't outside, he'd probably gone to the hospital wing. Lily and Sirius were going to go and break the news.

She didn't know what to say. Hey, Arabella, guess what? I killed your brother. I made Charlotte come to the Shack with me, I was rash, I killed your brother. I killed him.

  
The pair walked across the grounds quickly, then as soon as they stepped inside the school slowed down. Sirius suddenly put a hand on Lily's arm.

"Wait. We should work out what we want to say now. We can't just burst in and tell her, we should..." He went to run his fingers through his hair, then realised it was tied back and stopped, hand hovering above his head.   
  
"We'll take her into the dormitory. Do you want to be there?" Lily asked, her voice getting more normal every second. She didn't know anyone who'd died. She'd never been to a funeral, even. 

"Yes," Sirius said, and he sounded distracted.

They were at the portrait hole already. How did that happen?  


"Password, dearies!" exclaimed the Fat Lady, jovially. 

"I'd like to change it," said Lily. Lovely Lily wasn't appropriate for a murderer. She could feel Sirius staring at her.

"To what, my sweet?"  
  
"I don't know...you choose."  
  
"_Daffodils_," Sirius said suddenly. Lily looked at him. "Arabella likes them," he said with a shrug.  
  
"Fine. _Daffodils_," she repeated. The portrait swung open, and Lily frowned. A large crowd of worried looking Gryffindors blocked their way, and in the almost reverent silence Lily could hear hysterical sobs. She and Sirius exchanged a look.

  
"Arabella," they both said at once.

Pushing their way through, the scene at the fireplace was one that made Lily feel completely useless for the first time in her life. One of her best friends in the entire world was almost screaming in grief, hanging desperately from a panicky Peter. The two were sprawled on the floor, Arabella laying nearly flat, her pretty new robes covered in dust and soot from the spitting fire. 

Peter was patting her on the head awkwardly, obviously near to tears himself. He tried to stand, and the wailing rose in pitch. Lily felt rooted to the spot, and heard Sirius draw a quick breath beside her. "Tell them what happened," he said to Lily in a low voice. She started to protest – what would Dumbledore say – but he raised a hand. "They'll find out sooner or later, and it's better they find out the truth. Can you do that? Can you speak to them?"

Lily nodded dumbly. Her mind was racing, painting pictures in millions of different colours. Each was predominant with that terrible red, that vile green, and still she could see his mouth moving soundlessly as Voldemort tortured him. Was he asking for forgiveness? Had he said goodbye to his sister, his parents? A pawn, nothing more, nothing less – now Lily knew that even those working for the side of good weren't always right. She would have to draw her own line between light and dark, and God help her she'd never stray into the black.

A fresh wave of murmurs ran through the crowd, and Lily forced herself to focus on the situation. Sirius had left her side and man-handled Arabella away from Peter. She seemed so small, now, smaller than ever. Lily immediately wanted to hug her friend, comfort her, but as Sirius half-carried, half-walked a still inconsolable Arabella upstairs something in his eyes made her hold back. 

Peter was shaking uncontrollably, and Lily snapped into action. Reaching out with her good hand, she pulled him to his feet, and on an impulse clambered on to the nearby table.   
  
"P-please. All of you – all of you listen to me." A hundred faces turned in her direction, and they listened. Lily felt some strength return, and she spoke a little louder. "Good. You'll all hear this tomorrow – one way or another, and I feel it's better – better that you hear the truth. Some of you may know Matthew Figg – all of you know Arabella, his sister." 

At this Lily caught some frantically whispered snatches of conversation. Arabella's brother...a Slytherin, he used to be in Slytherin...probably another prank, that James Potter, it'll all be a practical joke, but then...didn't he leave, two years ago, three years ago, I remember because he was so good at...Transfiguration homework to do, this better be...important, I think so, I think he was a Prefect. She took a moment to compose herself.

"Matthew Figg is dead." She ignored the horrified gasps, the squeals from the first-years, the little groups of people pushing to the front, shouting out questions. Lily suddenly felt as though she were made of ice. She couldn't have cried if she'd wanted to. If this was what being strong was like, she wasn't sure that she liked it. Surely it wasn't natural for a human to be so cold? Lily stopped her train of thought short. Selfish, selfish girl – this wasn't about her. This was about Matthew, and – and - 

  
"Voldemort," she said at last. Someone started to cry, softly. "Voldemort killed him. We don't know why – I don't know why. Maybe Professor Dumbledore will be able to tell us all more in the morning. Until then I think everybody should go to bed, and try to stay calm. Arabella needs for everyone to be calm."  
  
"What about You-Know-Who?" squeaked a terrified looking second year. "What's happening? Will there be a war?"  
  
"Yes, yes, will there be a war?" cried the congregation, and Lily resisted the urge to bite her lip. She was the Head Girl, she ought to know these things. Better to know the truth...

"I don't know. All of you go to sleep – James and Peter will keep watch by the portrait hole tonight, if it helps. Will that help?" she asked, almost pleaded. People nodded, and gradually they drifted away, dormitory doors closing. There was none of the usual after-lights-out banter, no-one slipping on the bathroom floor – the wooden tables in the Common Room were empty. The concerned Transfiguration student had forgotten about his homework. 

"Where are they?" ventured Peter. Lily suddenly realised that she was still standing on the chair, staring vacantly into space. Feeling foolish, she allowed Peter to help her down, and answered his question.  
  
"They're with Dumbledore, trying to find some answers. Charlotte's with Ma- with the body. Thankyou," she said, squeezing his arm. "Thankyou for sitting with Arabella."  
  
"Typical Arabella – she always draws crowds," said Peter, smiling sadly. Lily knew she was smiling back, and felt like vomiting as another thought pushed to the fore of her heart. James. Was he alright? If anything ever happened to him...if that disgusting creature ever laid a finger on him...she'd been too shocked to even wish him good luck. 

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Peter said gently, and she shot him a grateful smile. A distant door creaked open, and Lily heard footsteps. Sirius came into view, and promptly collapsed into the nearest armchair. She thought he might have been crying. 

"How is she?"  
  
"Asleep, or at least pretending to be. She's got her eyes shut and she won't say anything. Did she say anything to you?" he almost snapped, not even bothering to look at Peter. 

"N-no. I told her, and she – well, you saw..."  


"You should have waited."  
  
The unspoken 'for me' hung heavy in the silence, and Lily's head started to hurt. 

"I just thought she had a right to know..."

  
"You just thought," said Sirius sarcastically. "You didn't think, Peter, you didn't think at all. You just saw an opportunity for you to be the big man, the one who everyone listened to for a change. You just loved that you were so bloody _important_ - you're selfish. You are _unbelievably_ selfish."  


She wanted to slap him.

  
Peter's face went whiter than parchment, and he stood up. "I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning," he told Lily, hands thrust deep into his pockets. 

Lily hated that she was going through all the cliched reactions – for some reason she'd always imagined herself to be different when dealing with a death. But no, here came anger, predictable and all-consuming. She had the good grace to wait until Peter had gone before she exploded. 

"_You're_ unbelievable! I cannot _believe_ what you just said to him! Why do you always have to make Peter feel so stupid? He was trying to help –"  
  
"And he messed it up, as usual."  
  
"And you're so perfect –"  
  
"She didn't need that! She needed _me_, and I wasn't..." he faltered, and sunk further into the chair. 

"She needed _you_? How d'you think I feel? Charlotte feels? The others feel? We're all friends with her, Peter's her friend too..."

"Not like me."  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"I'm saying he doesn't know her like I know her."  
  
"Don't be so pathetic, Sirius. This isn't about you..."  
  
"Look, Lily, get off your high horse and stop preaching! Someone I love is in so much pain that she won't even talk to me, and I can't stand it..."

"I love her too, we all do," said Lily soothingly, the anger dissipating into sympathy. Sirius laughed suddenly, and kept on laughing. It was a strange sound in this serious stillness, and Lily frowned.   
  
"What?"  


He was breathless, and every time he looked at her puzzled face he started laughing anew. 

"What is it? What's so funny?"  
  
"Oh, Lils...you're the cleverest person I know. Scrap that, you're _the_ cleverest person, and you're normally...so...so observant...I hate to use this word again, but it's _unbelievable_...."  
  
"Stop stalling, and get to the point," Lily said impatiently. Now the tears were rolling down his face, and his words were shaking. Still he laughed, then shook his head. 

"Two weeks ago. Two weeks, one day and about twelve hours, I think. What happened?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Okay, two Tuesday mornings ago. Anything unusual happen?"  
  
"I don't think...oh, Arabella had fallen asleep downstairs. Charlotte and I thought for a second that she'd actually got up _early_, which was, of course, out of the question." She remembered now. Arabella had tried to sneak in, and upon finding them already awake had, after much poking and questioning, admitted that she'd committed the cardinal sin of working through the night to finish her Astronomy project. "She'd been doing Astronomy. What's so odd about that? She loves Astronomy..."  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty accurate," said Sirius, grinning. "Actually, that's very clever of her. You see, in a sense, she had been doing Astronomy. You know, the study of stars..." he trailed off, and Lily gave him a blank stare. "Studying one star in particular...come on, Head Girl. Put that big brain to work, it really isn't all that..."  
  
"Oh. Oh!" she exclaimed. "Oh." 

"Couldn't've put it better myself."  
  
Lily willed herself not to blush at the implied meaning, and raised her eyebrows. "So...is it serious?"  
  
"I think so." There was a pause, and Lily could sense a trademark Sirius Black impassioned outburst looming on the horizon. "I think I love her, actually." Score one to Lily Evans. "Despite the tantrums, the forgetfulness, the annoying habit of always having the last word, the even more annoying cat, the occasional vanity...alright, now I'm not so sure..."  
  
They both smiled, although Sirius' was a little strained, and Lily took his hand. "Go and sit with her. I'll be fine here."

For a little time, she'd almost forgotten. Today she'd been judged, and found wanting. Tomorrow she would have to tell someone how it was all her fault, and pray for forgiveness. She stayed there until past midnight, waiting for the dawn to come. This had been the longest day, this judgement day. 

James found her asleep in the chair. He sat with her until she woke. 


End file.
